After having a conversation with a friend on morals I have decided to post about it. This isn't normally a very controversial topic because most people don't have problems following morals and believing, at least mostly, in them. I am here to refute that.
The conversation began with the discussion of normality. What is normal? My belief, there is no normal. Everything and everyone is different, otherwise we wouldn't still be around. Variability is key to a species' survival. I don't belief there is any thing that we refer to as normal. It is just a figment of some people's, in fact most people's, minds. We all want to be liked and the general society has yet to understand there isn't normal. Anyway, the conversation continued with her asking about mental instability and abnormality and whether these people are actually abnormal. No I said they can't be abnormal if there is no normal. There is no Yin without Yang or light without dark. I also said that the reason we put them away is because they are a threat to themselves or others. I personally don't believe it is right because they have just as much right to do what they want as anyone else. Then she responded, except kill people. And this is where the real controversial things come in.
My response:"Well it is a right everyone has. With our current moral code we see killing as taking away others' rights. If people weren't so caught up on morals then everyone has every right without worry about the rights of others. Unfortunately this leads to chaos and anarchy which we are told is bad. I have come to the realization that I don't understand morals and never will. I go along with them just as others do. I can't say whether something is right or wrong without presenting a piece of each side."
I know these are more radical ideas than some people are comfortable with. Therefore I wish to explain them before others get too riled up.
I personally believe there is little wrong with killing. In fact, very few things are so horrible to me that I cringe at the thought. Rape, incest, murder, torture, manslaughter, assassination, cannibalism, extortion, prostitution. All these things are just words used to describe filthy activities that people are not to do because they are taboo. I really don't see the big deal. Most of them can be done for better or for worse. It is all dependent upon the situation at hand.
I wish to focus more on killing and murder than the others, but here are some ways that some of them can be both bad and good. Torture is bad because it can be traumatic to the victim and seriously injure them. However, it can also be used to extract information from individuals who wish not to talk. Assassination is a high profile murder done most often with very few people being aware at first. These can be good for getting rid of leaders of hostile groups or countries. But it could also be used to get rid of ordinary people who have done nothing wrong. Cannibalism is one thing that I personally never understood. Why is it so wrong? If you have nothing to eat but your friend's dead corpse, wouldn't you? It's just meat. There is not "soul" anymore. There are no longer any bodily functions being performed so how is it wrong? Morals are the only explanation. Prostitution can be a person's only way of getting revenue. It isn't the optimal way to go, but some people have little choice.
Killing is done all the time in war-ridden countries. It's done in all countries as a matter of fact. It is simply a way of life now. Killing has been done for many reasons through the history of humankind. Food, territory, entertainment are the three main reasons. Almost any taking of one life by another can be classified under these three categories. These are not restricted to human victim and human predator. I can also be human-animal, animal-animal, or animal-human. I make this distinction for others. One other belief I have is that animals and humans are one in the same. I believe animals have just as much right as humans do to live. I personally don't distinguish between the two usually, but I will in this post for the reader's sake. And in this case there is one huge difference between the two. Humans are the only species of animal to kill for fun...
We don't think twice when an animal kills another animal or when a human kills an animal. But when a human kills another human, we go on a man hunt to find him. This also happens when an animal kills a human. As soon as an animal touches a human the wrong way, it's to sleep with him. We put so much value on the human life. It is simply part of our nature. And yet, we kill people because they kill people. Are we not just as bad as them?
A man kills another man so that first man must be killed by the rest of us... What? How does that even make sense? I'm not trying to say that he should live. I am simply questioning, why do we have these morals if we have to bend them to keep the peace anyway?
Animals I think are the ones that have it right. They kill to eat and when something threatens them. We have added that one other ugly category, entertainment. Ancient Romans had the coliseum where men went to kill other men for the society's amusement. Nowadays, we have serial killers who kill just for their own sadistic pleasures. And look at some rich people, they go hunting for animals in a place that is enclosed so the animal can't escape. Tell me that is fair. These animals are essentially living just to die. I guess that is basically what all industrial farms are though. Mass amounts of animals born and raised just to die. What kind of society are we?
Could you imagine being born and knowing that you will just die in a few weeks anyway? You are kept in a small hole overcrowded with hundreds of your brothers and sisters. So much so that you can't even see the ground. You stand in your feces and other bodily wastes. All you can do is eat and you are always hungry. And you live there for a few weeks and then get your head severed from your body. What kind of existence is that?
What if that is just our life? God is our owner and he is just holing us up until he wants to take us. I don't know where that religious philosophy came from but back to the real story.
Anyway, killing is just another part of life. I think Josef Stalin was correct in saying,"One death is a tragedy. A million deaths is just a statistic." This is one of the most true statements I've ever heard. People cry for one person dying that they know. However, hearing that millions of people died in each of the World Wars, no one can fathom that. I guarantee you that you don't even know 10, 000 people. Now multiply that by 100 and you get 1 million. Now try to imagine that many people dying. Now do that 20 times over and you almost get how many Russians died in WWII. That doesn't account for any other country or any other war. That is what Stalin meant by his quote.
I have gone off of so many tangents that I myself have lost track of what I was writing. But that is the truth of my mind. I never know where it is going or what it may lead to. I will try to figure out what I wanted to say...
Morals... I guess I can stop there I think I have covered enough material for one day. Comment as you will. I will be back with more controversy at some point I'm sure.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
First religion vs evolution rant
So I was just thinking for a bit and for one reason or another I happened to think, don't ask why: why did the male testes descend? What evolutionary mechanism would cause this? Aren't the testes more protected within the body?
I still have not looked up anything yet. I just thought I would present my own thoughts on things first. I will admit I am not in the least bit religious. I lost faith in religion quite a while ago. My family is non-practicing Catholic. My view of religion is "hope for the hopeless." I don't mean to offend anyone, this is a personal belief, I will not force anyone to believe it. I don't wish to sway people to my view but to inform everyone of my beliefs.
Anyway, on to my rant. I started with the descended testes and continued on to a point where I was simple criticizing Catholic teachings. Here is my rant:
So Catholic teaching says that God created man in his (I know I'm not capitalizing) image. Ok I'm fine so far. This naturally means that God must have had descended testes; it's only logical. Then God created woman. (This is not my view but) This must mean that woman is less than godlike because woman was created from an insignificant part of man (his thirteenth rib). Ok hope everyone can see where I am coming from. In math terms God > man > woman (again I don't believe this just making logical assumptions from teachings). Ok so this is the point at which I don't follow teaching anymore. Woman was created in order to procreate with man. God for one reason or another created man who is less than him and woman who is even lower than that. If God created man as image of God, why would he create woman, even lower than image of God, to have offspring with man? Wouldn't the offspring be only between godlike and less than godlike. Why couldn't God make man able to procreate, either with each other (homosexually) or by themselves (asexually)? It would make them as pure as possible and would therefore be closer to God. I can't begin to understand this religion.
So I still don't understand why the testes descended. I have yet to look up whether anyone has found out a reason for it. I may sometime. By the way, this is an actual conversation I had with myself. And I got it all from the original question: why did the testes descend?
**Update**
I have found a site that looks to have a good explanation.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=why-do-human-testicles-hang-like-th-2009-11-19
If you don't wish to read it I will spare you several minutes of your life. It basically says that sperm is extremely sensitive to heat and the scrotum provide a good deal of heat dissipation. Thus allowing sperm to remain cooler. I actually knew this but I never connected it. This is the reason that being cold causes the scrotum to contract. Silly me. Oh well it was still fun attempting to figure it out using the religious method.
I still have not looked up anything yet. I just thought I would present my own thoughts on things first. I will admit I am not in the least bit religious. I lost faith in religion quite a while ago. My family is non-practicing Catholic. My view of religion is "hope for the hopeless." I don't mean to offend anyone, this is a personal belief, I will not force anyone to believe it. I don't wish to sway people to my view but to inform everyone of my beliefs.
Anyway, on to my rant. I started with the descended testes and continued on to a point where I was simple criticizing Catholic teachings. Here is my rant:
So Catholic teaching says that God created man in his (I know I'm not capitalizing) image. Ok I'm fine so far. This naturally means that God must have had descended testes; it's only logical. Then God created woman. (This is not my view but) This must mean that woman is less than godlike because woman was created from an insignificant part of man (his thirteenth rib). Ok hope everyone can see where I am coming from. In math terms God > man > woman (again I don't believe this just making logical assumptions from teachings). Ok so this is the point at which I don't follow teaching anymore. Woman was created in order to procreate with man. God for one reason or another created man who is less than him and woman who is even lower than that. If God created man as image of God, why would he create woman, even lower than image of God, to have offspring with man? Wouldn't the offspring be only between godlike and less than godlike. Why couldn't God make man able to procreate, either with each other (homosexually) or by themselves (asexually)? It would make them as pure as possible and would therefore be closer to God. I can't begin to understand this religion.
So I still don't understand why the testes descended. I have yet to look up whether anyone has found out a reason for it. I may sometime. By the way, this is an actual conversation I had with myself. And I got it all from the original question: why did the testes descend?
**Update**
I have found a site that looks to have a good explanation.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=why-do-human-testicles-hang-like-th-2009-11-19
If you don't wish to read it I will spare you several minutes of your life. It basically says that sperm is extremely sensitive to heat and the scrotum provide a good deal of heat dissipation. Thus allowing sperm to remain cooler. I actually knew this but I never connected it. This is the reason that being cold causes the scrotum to contract. Silly me. Oh well it was still fun attempting to figure it out using the religious method.
Heisenberg's Uncertainty and some other minor physics things
I'm bored as usual I don't have much to do for the next hour or so. I figured why not add a post. I'm not feeling too philosophical or going too in-depth with anything in my life. I just thought I would discuss some things I know/think and am interested in.
I'm a big fan of physics especially modern physics. It is a field which we know very little compared to other fields in physics. The realization of it only came about in the last century. Great names like Heisenberg and Schrodinger and Planck all worked on the field we now call quantum mechanics.
Heisenberg said that both momentum and position of a particle cannot be known simultaneously with great accuracy. The way to measure a particle is to hit it with a wave. Waves can be all sizes. It can be high energy or frequency and short wavelength or low energy and long wavelength or anywhere in between. With a high energy wave you can measure the position very accurately because the wave is hitting the particle a lot and the wavelength is very short. However, the higher the energy the more the wave hits the particle and the more it moves the particle and changes the velocity or momentum. The advantage of lower energy waves is that the particle will not be moved as much; however, this means that the wave will not hit the particle as much and not be able to measure the position as accurately. This is Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, in a nutshell from a person who has not officially taken modern physics yet. All of these theories are just things that I remember from reading Stephen Hawking and from past physics learning.
There are so many theories that are found in the modern physics field. Schrodinger's equation, Planck's black body radiation, quantum tunneling and all kinds of other stuff that I have no idea about. I just love to learn about these things I couldn't tell you why. There are other things in modern physics that are also interesting. General and special relativity and M theory. They are all so great to learn about. I don't even know much about them.
I don't even know what else to talk about, I don't feel much like typing anymore. I'm sure there is more to come
I'm a big fan of physics especially modern physics. It is a field which we know very little compared to other fields in physics. The realization of it only came about in the last century. Great names like Heisenberg and Schrodinger and Planck all worked on the field we now call quantum mechanics.
Heisenberg said that both momentum and position of a particle cannot be known simultaneously with great accuracy. The way to measure a particle is to hit it with a wave. Waves can be all sizes. It can be high energy or frequency and short wavelength or low energy and long wavelength or anywhere in between. With a high energy wave you can measure the position very accurately because the wave is hitting the particle a lot and the wavelength is very short. However, the higher the energy the more the wave hits the particle and the more it moves the particle and changes the velocity or momentum. The advantage of lower energy waves is that the particle will not be moved as much; however, this means that the wave will not hit the particle as much and not be able to measure the position as accurately. This is Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, in a nutshell from a person who has not officially taken modern physics yet. All of these theories are just things that I remember from reading Stephen Hawking and from past physics learning.
There are so many theories that are found in the modern physics field. Schrodinger's equation, Planck's black body radiation, quantum tunneling and all kinds of other stuff that I have no idea about. I just love to learn about these things I couldn't tell you why. There are other things in modern physics that are also interesting. General and special relativity and M theory. They are all so great to learn about. I don't even know much about them.
I don't even know what else to talk about, I don't feel much like typing anymore. I'm sure there is more to come
Friday, July 2, 2010
Even more about me (junior and senior year)
Well this is the next post about me. It encompasses my junior and senior years of high school. Many people that will read this probably know most of the stuff I am about to say but possibly not all of it. Then there are some people that know the bare minimum or nothing at all. Well shall we begin.
Junior year I was still thinking about the "crush" from sophomore year a bit. However, I continued on with my learning. I was still more fond of learning than anything else. Anyway, in history class we were given a project to create a silent movie on some point in history. I was not very close to any friends still, so I was not able to get in a group in my own class. I worked with a group of misfits from the other class period. We were all misfits but we were able to do well. We were all honors students, so it was a fun time. We chose the Boston Tea Party to do the movie on. Anyway this was where I first met a girl, or rather re-met, that will become very important to this story. She was like me when it came to the movie. She knew about it but she was not a big fan of being in the movie. Well we went through weeks of making the movie at each others' houses and some other random places.
Well we finished up the movie and this girl was really creative and she made the finishing touches on the movie. She would stay up until all hours of the night to get it done. She brought the product in one day for us all to watch and it was fantastic. We had a really good movie on our hands. The day for presenting our project was upon us and I was so proud of it. It was possibly the best project I ever had, thanks go to everyone in the group. Well she was really nervous about showing it. I tried to comfort her by saying that it was awesome. No one would dare make fun of it or anything like that. It didn't really help, she was still shaking. Well as far as I remember no one had anything bad to say about it. I personally still think it was the best one shown. I even showed it in my class period. That was my reintroduction to this girl. After the project I really didn't talk to anyone in the group for awhile.
Later in the year, this girl and I started talking for one reason or another. Anyway it was approaching prom time and she was going with a guy that was in the movie group that she had been thought to be dating for awhile. She never really admitted it to anyone but everyone suspected. Prom came and went and she was all of a sudden really lonesome and never talked to almost anyone. I was still chatting with her at times. I can't exactly remember the exact course of events at this point, but it turned out that the guy never talked to her after prom. He just stopped all communication with her despite the fact that she was in most of his classes. It also turned out that she and her other good friends were fighting as well. So she was pretty much deserted.
Anyway the end of the year came and she was one of the few people I even got to sign my yearbook. That isn't something I would usually do. I just don't like ruining books by writing in them. More tangents. Well she gave me her number and I never thought twice about it. Summer is here and boring as ever, seeing as I have few friends. I decided one day to email her. She was a person that's very appreciative of human contact because she too didn't do anything over summer. And with the fight happening between her and her friends she gladly responded to the email. We would have these long in-depth conversations every night if possible. I loved receiving them. I would be up all night just to see if I could get her email that day, but she usually sent it right after I went to bed, almost without fail. I would be up so late because her emails were pages long. I would try and mimic the length but very few times could I match the size of her emails. I think the longest any of them got to was 5 pages in Word. It was crazy. I would take half and hour to an hour to read them and then another few hours two respond. But I loved it more than anything in my life at the time.
We learned so many things about each other. We had so many commonalities. We were both quiet and introverted. We each loved science. She wanted to do something in biology. She loved animals. I too love animals. We both prefer cats to dogs. I mentioned before how we re-met each other. We had previously met in elementary school. She had a different last name then and honestly, I always thought she was a bit weird. She was always really quiet and secluded. I did find out reasoning behind this that I will not reveal for anonymity and respect for her. It seemed really interesting to me that we had so much in common. They go far beyond these few things mentioned, but it was probably more that I was looking for them at this time. After all people see what they want to see.
This went one for majority of the summer. At one point she even came over our house. We played outside in the inflatable pool and volleyball and badminton. It was fun. Technically it was the first time I ever had a female friend over my house. So that was new too. Well, things went on. I started getting asked if she was my girlfriend and things like that. I kept on saying no, even though it really wasn't believed. Well we continued our conversations via email. Over the next few weeks, I started to think about her and realized that maybe people were right. Maybe I did like her. Either they suspected what I didn't or they influenced me to think I did. Either way it was now an idea in my head. I kept thinking about it while I read about the intimate details of her life and told her of mine. At some point I decided to give in and tell her about my feelings. Her first response was one of ignorance. She didn't respond to that part of the email at all. I thought maybe she didn't get what I was saying because again I was cautious with my words and essentially was beating around the bush. So I sent another more direct email and her response was that she didn't know what to say so she just didn't. She didn't feel that way was her next response. I figured as much but now I had confirmation. I just wanted to make sure we were still able to be friends.
End of summer came and school started up again. We were in the same classes due to my essential copying of her schedule. Other than a few classes. We talked a lot and enjoyed each others company. We sat together at lunch. We sat with our group of mutual friends. Classes were enjoyable and we each liked certain classes and hated others. I was still feeling the same about her but I didn't want that to affect our friendship. I let it go and tried to forget.
Our school year continued. We got closer. She had her wisdom teeth out and she had to miss nearly a week of classes. She got her homework and I helped her a bit with calculus. I was rather distraught when I found out I didn't help enough to catch her up on stuff and get her grade up. Life went on. At one point while getting teacher references she started crying when she got something from one teacher because she was so happy about it. I didn't know this at the time all I knew was that she was crying and I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't want to embrace her for fear of overstepping my bounds. I did walk with her to the car though and made sure she was ok to drive. Eventually it came time for me to get my driver's license. I was almost 18, so I really needed to. I have never cared much for driving, so I didn't really care. But it ended up that each of us were going on the same day. This, to me, was a sign. Either we would both fail again (yes we both failed previously), or we would both get it. To me there was no other option. On the way to the testing place, I heard her favorite song of the time, Viva La Vida by Coldplay, twice. I was convinced that there was no way we would fail. I got through my test and I passed. I found out later that day that she too had passed. Four hours separated our first issued driver's licenses. In my eyes, yet another sign. These are the thoughts that would circulate through my mind all day everyday. Perhaps readers can see what I was going through at the time.
I think I will just say that life continued on about the same as this until November. My birthday rolls around and for me it is just another day. I don't worry other people with my birthday. I never have in the past, but she got me a gift. It was officially the first time I received a gift from anyone outside of a party and/or my family. It may have only been candy, but it was definitely the best present I ever received. I was very grateful and couldn't wait for my chance to get her a present for her birthday in march.
Christmas came and I knew I was getting her something good. She gave me a drawing pad and mechanical pencil because she drew and I always tried to compare with her drawings, always falling well short. I knew she wanted the computer game Spore and I was going to get it if she didn't get it from her parents. Well she didn't and I knew her present. I got her a puppy mouse pad and a kitten calendar because of her love of animals. Then the day before school started again I went to Walmart and bought it. Almost got in an accident on the way home and couldn't wait for the next day of school to end. I finally got to leave school with her and give her the present in the trunk of my car. I got the big bag out of the trunk and brought it the two parking spaces away that her car was from mine. She opened the bag and found the mousepad and calendar. She said thanks so much and then I told her there was more. She got to the bottom of the bag and I will never forget her expression. "ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!" Eyes wide. Smile larger than I've ever seen. Glowing with excitement. I could not have been more ecstatic than I was in this moment. I love surprising people with things they really want. This is when I feel extremely accomplished. Well life continued the same as always. We talked and enjoyed each other and then things happened.
The order of upcoming events is honestly a bit fuzzy but I will try to remember as best I can. I am pretty sure that the next thing that happened was I reminded her again that I liked her still. I started to bug her about it. This caused her to back off a bit. We didn't talk much after this. I think this was about the time her cat died as well. I was feeling horrible about this because she had the cat for all her life essentially. I got her a card and started acting really stupid in pity for her. Meanwhile she was working past it. I was just bringing it up like an idiot. I feel horrible about it now. This is the time I started to really struggle mentally with everything. I was so confused and distraught and just crap inside. Time went on and we rarely talked if at all. Then we started to talk a bit more leading into February. I'm sure any reader can see where this is going.
Valentine's day. We are talking a bit more and I decide well this might be a good time to send a gift to say sorry for what's happened and have a nice holiday. Well a few days later it gets to her house because I bought the stupid thing via internet, which I never advise anyone to do EVER. I received a package on the porch that same day. Now I am done, I know exactly what it is. I get inside. Now my parents have to find out everything. And I can't possibly explain everything in the condition I'm in. I open it and find that the thing says "I love you". So many horrible things went through my head at that instant. One of them being someone is going to die at this company. I know now that my life is over and this whole thing I might have had was beyond over.
The next few days of class was her seat being moved away from me and complete and total ignorance. I tried to talk to her but she just left the room when I did. I quickly asked if I could get another chance and she sternly said get away from me. I gave up there and then. Before the end of the day I was in the counselors office talking to her. I also received a text from her. It is in my inbox to this day. I used to look at it occasionally. I guess I enjoy torturing myself like that. It said, "No I gave you plenty of chances, plenty of hints and even direct words. You made your decisions and I've made mine. And I'm through. Over. Done. Do YOU get it?" The most painful thing I have ever read in my life. I was never going to heal from this, was all I could think. I spent days at a time just thinking about her and what had happened. I don't know if anyone has ever had a feeling of being in a daze, but I had a feeling of being in a daze for several weeks. The only thing that would help even though it was only temporary was sleep. I went to bed early more than a few time during that time period. I have never felt so disconnected as I was during that few weeks. It was the same feeling as when you stare into space and can't move your eyes. Except I couldn't get out of it for weeks except when I slept. I even dreamed of her several times. My counselor set up weekly meetings with me to follow my progress. She even had me write my feelings and thoughts in a journal. I needed to do these because I would feel great when I left her office, then by the end of the week I was feeling beyond depressed. Life was going but I was not.
It took until the end of the year for me to feel a bit better. She still wasn't talking to me, but it was not on my mind 24 hours a day anymore, more like 20-22. I was getting better even if just barely. The end of the year was our Disney trip and senior picnic. I never got to hang around with her at all on the trip. I tried to look for her as much as possible but never succeeding at gaining her attention. Probably for the better for her though. One of the days after the trip I managed to talk to her in the hall about some things. I had it all on a paper because I couldn't bring myself to strictly remember everything. I told her what I could to try and make it better. Then the day of the senior picnic I got back to my car and there was a piece of paper there. It was from her. I still have this as well in my memories box in my dorm. It said something like: I think we should just remain acquaintances at this point. Let the summer pass and college. I don't know her words I can't remember off the top of my head. It was a bit of closure though, I guess.
Graduation came along and the end of school was here. That is pretty much the end of the story. At least up to that point in time. The future still holds some surprises. That will be future posts because I really can't type anymore. And I apologize to any reader that actually read that entire post. I give you all of my respect and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have put a great deal of effort to try to understand me. And I will end at that.
Junior year I was still thinking about the "crush" from sophomore year a bit. However, I continued on with my learning. I was still more fond of learning than anything else. Anyway, in history class we were given a project to create a silent movie on some point in history. I was not very close to any friends still, so I was not able to get in a group in my own class. I worked with a group of misfits from the other class period. We were all misfits but we were able to do well. We were all honors students, so it was a fun time. We chose the Boston Tea Party to do the movie on. Anyway this was where I first met a girl, or rather re-met, that will become very important to this story. She was like me when it came to the movie. She knew about it but she was not a big fan of being in the movie. Well we went through weeks of making the movie at each others' houses and some other random places.
Well we finished up the movie and this girl was really creative and she made the finishing touches on the movie. She would stay up until all hours of the night to get it done. She brought the product in one day for us all to watch and it was fantastic. We had a really good movie on our hands. The day for presenting our project was upon us and I was so proud of it. It was possibly the best project I ever had, thanks go to everyone in the group. Well she was really nervous about showing it. I tried to comfort her by saying that it was awesome. No one would dare make fun of it or anything like that. It didn't really help, she was still shaking. Well as far as I remember no one had anything bad to say about it. I personally still think it was the best one shown. I even showed it in my class period. That was my reintroduction to this girl. After the project I really didn't talk to anyone in the group for awhile.
Later in the year, this girl and I started talking for one reason or another. Anyway it was approaching prom time and she was going with a guy that was in the movie group that she had been thought to be dating for awhile. She never really admitted it to anyone but everyone suspected. Prom came and went and she was all of a sudden really lonesome and never talked to almost anyone. I was still chatting with her at times. I can't exactly remember the exact course of events at this point, but it turned out that the guy never talked to her after prom. He just stopped all communication with her despite the fact that she was in most of his classes. It also turned out that she and her other good friends were fighting as well. So she was pretty much deserted.
Anyway the end of the year came and she was one of the few people I even got to sign my yearbook. That isn't something I would usually do. I just don't like ruining books by writing in them. More tangents. Well she gave me her number and I never thought twice about it. Summer is here and boring as ever, seeing as I have few friends. I decided one day to email her. She was a person that's very appreciative of human contact because she too didn't do anything over summer. And with the fight happening between her and her friends she gladly responded to the email. We would have these long in-depth conversations every night if possible. I loved receiving them. I would be up all night just to see if I could get her email that day, but she usually sent it right after I went to bed, almost without fail. I would be up so late because her emails were pages long. I would try and mimic the length but very few times could I match the size of her emails. I think the longest any of them got to was 5 pages in Word. It was crazy. I would take half and hour to an hour to read them and then another few hours two respond. But I loved it more than anything in my life at the time.
We learned so many things about each other. We had so many commonalities. We were both quiet and introverted. We each loved science. She wanted to do something in biology. She loved animals. I too love animals. We both prefer cats to dogs. I mentioned before how we re-met each other. We had previously met in elementary school. She had a different last name then and honestly, I always thought she was a bit weird. She was always really quiet and secluded. I did find out reasoning behind this that I will not reveal for anonymity and respect for her. It seemed really interesting to me that we had so much in common. They go far beyond these few things mentioned, but it was probably more that I was looking for them at this time. After all people see what they want to see.
This went one for majority of the summer. At one point she even came over our house. We played outside in the inflatable pool and volleyball and badminton. It was fun. Technically it was the first time I ever had a female friend over my house. So that was new too. Well, things went on. I started getting asked if she was my girlfriend and things like that. I kept on saying no, even though it really wasn't believed. Well we continued our conversations via email. Over the next few weeks, I started to think about her and realized that maybe people were right. Maybe I did like her. Either they suspected what I didn't or they influenced me to think I did. Either way it was now an idea in my head. I kept thinking about it while I read about the intimate details of her life and told her of mine. At some point I decided to give in and tell her about my feelings. Her first response was one of ignorance. She didn't respond to that part of the email at all. I thought maybe she didn't get what I was saying because again I was cautious with my words and essentially was beating around the bush. So I sent another more direct email and her response was that she didn't know what to say so she just didn't. She didn't feel that way was her next response. I figured as much but now I had confirmation. I just wanted to make sure we were still able to be friends.
End of summer came and school started up again. We were in the same classes due to my essential copying of her schedule. Other than a few classes. We talked a lot and enjoyed each others company. We sat together at lunch. We sat with our group of mutual friends. Classes were enjoyable and we each liked certain classes and hated others. I was still feeling the same about her but I didn't want that to affect our friendship. I let it go and tried to forget.
Our school year continued. We got closer. She had her wisdom teeth out and she had to miss nearly a week of classes. She got her homework and I helped her a bit with calculus. I was rather distraught when I found out I didn't help enough to catch her up on stuff and get her grade up. Life went on. At one point while getting teacher references she started crying when she got something from one teacher because she was so happy about it. I didn't know this at the time all I knew was that she was crying and I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't want to embrace her for fear of overstepping my bounds. I did walk with her to the car though and made sure she was ok to drive. Eventually it came time for me to get my driver's license. I was almost 18, so I really needed to. I have never cared much for driving, so I didn't really care. But it ended up that each of us were going on the same day. This, to me, was a sign. Either we would both fail again (yes we both failed previously), or we would both get it. To me there was no other option. On the way to the testing place, I heard her favorite song of the time, Viva La Vida by Coldplay, twice. I was convinced that there was no way we would fail. I got through my test and I passed. I found out later that day that she too had passed. Four hours separated our first issued driver's licenses. In my eyes, yet another sign. These are the thoughts that would circulate through my mind all day everyday. Perhaps readers can see what I was going through at the time.
I think I will just say that life continued on about the same as this until November. My birthday rolls around and for me it is just another day. I don't worry other people with my birthday. I never have in the past, but she got me a gift. It was officially the first time I received a gift from anyone outside of a party and/or my family. It may have only been candy, but it was definitely the best present I ever received. I was very grateful and couldn't wait for my chance to get her a present for her birthday in march.
Christmas came and I knew I was getting her something good. She gave me a drawing pad and mechanical pencil because she drew and I always tried to compare with her drawings, always falling well short. I knew she wanted the computer game Spore and I was going to get it if she didn't get it from her parents. Well she didn't and I knew her present. I got her a puppy mouse pad and a kitten calendar because of her love of animals. Then the day before school started again I went to Walmart and bought it. Almost got in an accident on the way home and couldn't wait for the next day of school to end. I finally got to leave school with her and give her the present in the trunk of my car. I got the big bag out of the trunk and brought it the two parking spaces away that her car was from mine. She opened the bag and found the mousepad and calendar. She said thanks so much and then I told her there was more. She got to the bottom of the bag and I will never forget her expression. "ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!" Eyes wide. Smile larger than I've ever seen. Glowing with excitement. I could not have been more ecstatic than I was in this moment. I love surprising people with things they really want. This is when I feel extremely accomplished. Well life continued the same as always. We talked and enjoyed each other and then things happened.
The order of upcoming events is honestly a bit fuzzy but I will try to remember as best I can. I am pretty sure that the next thing that happened was I reminded her again that I liked her still. I started to bug her about it. This caused her to back off a bit. We didn't talk much after this. I think this was about the time her cat died as well. I was feeling horrible about this because she had the cat for all her life essentially. I got her a card and started acting really stupid in pity for her. Meanwhile she was working past it. I was just bringing it up like an idiot. I feel horrible about it now. This is the time I started to really struggle mentally with everything. I was so confused and distraught and just crap inside. Time went on and we rarely talked if at all. Then we started to talk a bit more leading into February. I'm sure any reader can see where this is going.
Valentine's day. We are talking a bit more and I decide well this might be a good time to send a gift to say sorry for what's happened and have a nice holiday. Well a few days later it gets to her house because I bought the stupid thing via internet, which I never advise anyone to do EVER. I received a package on the porch that same day. Now I am done, I know exactly what it is. I get inside. Now my parents have to find out everything. And I can't possibly explain everything in the condition I'm in. I open it and find that the thing says "I love you". So many horrible things went through my head at that instant. One of them being someone is going to die at this company. I know now that my life is over and this whole thing I might have had was beyond over.
The next few days of class was her seat being moved away from me and complete and total ignorance. I tried to talk to her but she just left the room when I did. I quickly asked if I could get another chance and she sternly said get away from me. I gave up there and then. Before the end of the day I was in the counselors office talking to her. I also received a text from her. It is in my inbox to this day. I used to look at it occasionally. I guess I enjoy torturing myself like that. It said, "No I gave you plenty of chances, plenty of hints and even direct words. You made your decisions and I've made mine. And I'm through. Over. Done. Do YOU get it?" The most painful thing I have ever read in my life. I was never going to heal from this, was all I could think. I spent days at a time just thinking about her and what had happened. I don't know if anyone has ever had a feeling of being in a daze, but I had a feeling of being in a daze for several weeks. The only thing that would help even though it was only temporary was sleep. I went to bed early more than a few time during that time period. I have never felt so disconnected as I was during that few weeks. It was the same feeling as when you stare into space and can't move your eyes. Except I couldn't get out of it for weeks except when I slept. I even dreamed of her several times. My counselor set up weekly meetings with me to follow my progress. She even had me write my feelings and thoughts in a journal. I needed to do these because I would feel great when I left her office, then by the end of the week I was feeling beyond depressed. Life was going but I was not.
It took until the end of the year for me to feel a bit better. She still wasn't talking to me, but it was not on my mind 24 hours a day anymore, more like 20-22. I was getting better even if just barely. The end of the year was our Disney trip and senior picnic. I never got to hang around with her at all on the trip. I tried to look for her as much as possible but never succeeding at gaining her attention. Probably for the better for her though. One of the days after the trip I managed to talk to her in the hall about some things. I had it all on a paper because I couldn't bring myself to strictly remember everything. I told her what I could to try and make it better. Then the day of the senior picnic I got back to my car and there was a piece of paper there. It was from her. I still have this as well in my memories box in my dorm. It said something like: I think we should just remain acquaintances at this point. Let the summer pass and college. I don't know her words I can't remember off the top of my head. It was a bit of closure though, I guess.
Graduation came along and the end of school was here. That is pretty much the end of the story. At least up to that point in time. The future still holds some surprises. That will be future posts because I really can't type anymore. And I apologize to any reader that actually read that entire post. I give you all of my respect and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have put a great deal of effort to try to understand me. And I will end at that.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Boy vs. Girl
Ok, a friend and I were having a conversation last night about children. I have been wanting to post so badly since then, but haven't gotten a chance, so I will try to remember all we said.
So we somehow got on the topic of having children and names and things like that. Then she said that if she could only have one child she would want a boy. I said that if I had only one child it would be a girl. So we starting going further into it and she said that a lot of her male friends would rather have girls than boys. This intrigued me. I thought I was just different, but I guess not so much. Why is it that males want to have girls, and females want to have boys?
Now of course there is only one case of a female wanting a girl, but she brought up a strong case. She said that she wouldn't want to have a girl because she knows what girls are like and she knows they are "evil" inside, I think is what she said. I, having younger twin sisters, know this to be true as well. However, I still want a girl child. I have thought about it a lot in the past and I think I want a girl child because I try to appreciate women. I want what's best for the women in my environment. I want them to be treated properly. Apparently I am not the only male who wants a girl child though. So perhaps there is more to this.
She wants a boy child. I was never really proved with a reason for this so much as against the other. However, I personally feel that I don't want a boy as much because I feel like a boy will find it easier to fend for himself. I feel like he may turn out like all the other males in this current world and be corrupted to a point that I can't bring myself to appreciate. This brings up my stance on current gender roles and corruption that I am sure to post at some point in the near future. Anyway, I personally still believe in the primordial idea that girls are pure and more perfect than boys. Boys are much easier corrupt than girls. Of course this is not always true but in the world of my mind I still feel this to be true.
I still wish to look more into this. I also brainstormed last night for quite a while, it was actually hard to fall asleep. I thought of one idea that relates to Freudian psychology. I thought perhaps this has something to do with the Oedipus and Electra complexes. For those who are not knowledgeable in psychology, the Oedipal complex says that all sons innately want to have sex with their mother, and the Electra complex is the same with daughter and father. Now that is taking the more extreme translation that Freud came up with. I mean this in a much less sexual degree, and in the reverse direction. Perhaps women are more likely to wish for a son and men more likely to wish for a daughter as their heir.
I have also thought about it in a more basic sense. Perhaps parents just want their child to have what they themselves can't. So women want a child to be a man, and men want their child to be a woman. The Forbidden Fruit effect is something that I feel drives people more than anything else. I'm sure I will also be writing my beliefs on that at some point too.
These are the ideas that I have come up with. If anyone else has opinions or input to add please comment. Also if you wish to add your own opinion as to whether you want a boy or girl you can. This will give a more varied result to see if any of this is even logical to look at as a comparison or just a coincidence. Please include your gender and the child's gender. For example I would just put: male and girl. Thanks.
So we somehow got on the topic of having children and names and things like that. Then she said that if she could only have one child she would want a boy. I said that if I had only one child it would be a girl. So we starting going further into it and she said that a lot of her male friends would rather have girls than boys. This intrigued me. I thought I was just different, but I guess not so much. Why is it that males want to have girls, and females want to have boys?
Now of course there is only one case of a female wanting a girl, but she brought up a strong case. She said that she wouldn't want to have a girl because she knows what girls are like and she knows they are "evil" inside, I think is what she said. I, having younger twin sisters, know this to be true as well. However, I still want a girl child. I have thought about it a lot in the past and I think I want a girl child because I try to appreciate women. I want what's best for the women in my environment. I want them to be treated properly. Apparently I am not the only male who wants a girl child though. So perhaps there is more to this.
She wants a boy child. I was never really proved with a reason for this so much as against the other. However, I personally feel that I don't want a boy as much because I feel like a boy will find it easier to fend for himself. I feel like he may turn out like all the other males in this current world and be corrupted to a point that I can't bring myself to appreciate. This brings up my stance on current gender roles and corruption that I am sure to post at some point in the near future. Anyway, I personally still believe in the primordial idea that girls are pure and more perfect than boys. Boys are much easier corrupt than girls. Of course this is not always true but in the world of my mind I still feel this to be true.
I still wish to look more into this. I also brainstormed last night for quite a while, it was actually hard to fall asleep. I thought of one idea that relates to Freudian psychology. I thought perhaps this has something to do with the Oedipus and Electra complexes. For those who are not knowledgeable in psychology, the Oedipal complex says that all sons innately want to have sex with their mother, and the Electra complex is the same with daughter and father. Now that is taking the more extreme translation that Freud came up with. I mean this in a much less sexual degree, and in the reverse direction. Perhaps women are more likely to wish for a son and men more likely to wish for a daughter as their heir.
I have also thought about it in a more basic sense. Perhaps parents just want their child to have what they themselves can't. So women want a child to be a man, and men want their child to be a woman. The Forbidden Fruit effect is something that I feel drives people more than anything else. I'm sure I will also be writing my beliefs on that at some point too.
These are the ideas that I have come up with. If anyone else has opinions or input to add please comment. Also if you wish to add your own opinion as to whether you want a boy or girl you can. This will give a more varied result to see if any of this is even logical to look at as a comparison or just a coincidence. Please include your gender and the child's gender. For example I would just put: male and girl. Thanks.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
More about me
I went walking today because that is what I do. I don't go on runs like other people. Running takes way too much effort to keep going at that pace. I was never very good at running the mile in middle and high school. It isn't about fitness so much for me. Though sometimes that is part of it. It is more about doing something to get me going. It is a way for me to get thinking and get my mind in the right state to consider new things or revisit old things, the latter is more frequent than the former. I even sometimes start texting certain friends that help me get my mind going even better, friends that I don't mind sharing these thoughts with.
Enough of that tangent. Anyway, I was walking and thinking of things to blog about and I realized that I really never talked about me. I talked about the image that other people know as me, the double major and does clubs and stuff like that, but not the true me. The deeper side of me. The side that I would prefer to be more often. I hope that I may reveal somethings about myself in this blog that no one knows, and maybe even I don't know as of this point in time. We shall see.
I am a person that has always kept to myself. I was never a person to go tell friends about all my life's details and reveal whatever I was feeling at the time to people who I didn't even care for all that much. I just talked to myself, both inside my head and aloud. If you think I am crazy, try it yourself maybe you will feel better too.
I was a very quiet child and I never really left that shell. I gradually opened it for some people and I still find it hard to trust most people. As a child in elementary school, I always only had one or two real friends. I wasn't popular but I was liked by most people, I was never really sure why. I guess because I was never stepping on anyone's toes, I was just there. Sometimes I was so quiet people would actually forget I was sitting right next to them. I loved school though and it was all I really cared about. I got A's on everything and when I didn't I actually cried. I hated failing, as if I would go to Hell if I got a B or lower on anything. My parents never were that strict on my about grades, but I was really a perfectionist about it then.
I was always perfectly content with those couple of friends I had. I never needed anyone else. I had them and videogames and tv and school and I was as happy as I could ever wish to be. I never cared for anyone of the opposite sex really. Of course this is still elementary school times so I was still young. I was fine with my two guy friends.
Gradually time passed and middle school came along. I still had one good friend and I had school. Math was always my favorite and I joined Math League in 6th grade. It was the best experience ever and I wanted to do it every year, but they stopped doing it halfway through 7th grade, it sucked and I was spiteful. It was my only club because I was not much a sports person and I really wasn't a team person. I just went along with school. I stayed with my good friend even though he had friends that I didn't care much for. They were the people that didn't even finish high school as far as I know and probably will end up dead on a street corner by OD. Oh well, not my problem. I didn't like them much.
Eventually middle school ends and all of a sudden I have no friends anymore. I don't know what's happened but my once best and only friend is no longer there. And then it hit me that I really don't care. I spent 8 years of my life with this almost brother, and now I don't even care that he is gone. Isn't there something wrong with that picture? But I continued on nonetheless. I ended up being one of the smart people. I was ranked in the top 15 students every semester of high school. So this lead me to become friends with mostly other smart people. I got to know a few of them and had classes with them all four years. However, none of these friends were people that I really hung around with. I never went over anyone's house to play or went out to the movies or anything like that. Once the end of the day bell rang the the bus dropped me off in my neighborhood I completely dropped off the radar. I had no extra-curriculars, until Math League started, which was always during school. I had went to no sporting events. I did nothing but sit in my room mostly and play videogames or watch tv. I was a very "anti-social" person. I didn't care at the time. I just wanted to do what I was doing and do well in school. I was still not very interested in any girls. I just never got that feeling for anyone in particular. I didn't mind talking to them and I didn't mind have grade competitions with anyone but I didn't really care to have a girlfriend. I was perfectly content with me, myself, and I.
Sophomore year rolls around and I start to get to know a few people more. I get to classes like Biology that involve working in groups to do activities. I learn about people a bit more about the people around me. Before the end of the year, I start to feel interested by a girl in my class. I didn't know where it came from and I didn't know what to do. I was completely clueless. I start going to my room even more frequently and brainstorming ideas of what to do. The thing I come up with that sounds most reasonable to me is to write a note to her. I spent weeks writing and rewriting a note that that ended up being less than a page long. I took my normal methods of being extremely cautious in wording. That is why it took so long. I finally had a note that I deemed good enough to give to her. Now to work up the nerve to give it to her. That was the hardest part of the process. I am horrible at speaking let alone to tell someone that I like them. After quite a bit more time I finally got the nerve to go to her locker and quickly say, "here this is for you." Then I walked away. I feel like a weight was taken from my shoulders. Then there was the response that was to come the next day.
The next day was a day that I won't soon forget. It was lunch and I knew where she sat and I was looking over at her table. She was talking to friends and then all of a sudden one of our mutual friends with whom she was talking whips around and gives me the most surprised look I have ever seen in my life. It was actually hard not to laugh. I didn't know what to think so I went on with my lunch. It was nearing the end of the day in Bio class. It happened to end early and she came over to my desk. By this time I had so much anxiety, I thought I would just burst. When she came over to me she told me to follow to the back of the room. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable but I followed because I still had some minuscule hope. I was told as expected that she didn't like me that way but that we should get to know each other better before anything else.
I was so satisfied by this result, believe it or not. It was possibly the best response that I could have ever expected. There was a small possibility. I just was glad nothing too horrible came out of it. I think I will save the rest of high school and college until now for future posts because those will be even longer stories. That and I'm pretty sure whoever reads this will want to dig out their eyeballs by the end because it's so long. So, on that note I will stop. Bye bye.
Enough of that tangent. Anyway, I was walking and thinking of things to blog about and I realized that I really never talked about me. I talked about the image that other people know as me, the double major and does clubs and stuff like that, but not the true me. The deeper side of me. The side that I would prefer to be more often. I hope that I may reveal somethings about myself in this blog that no one knows, and maybe even I don't know as of this point in time. We shall see.
I am a person that has always kept to myself. I was never a person to go tell friends about all my life's details and reveal whatever I was feeling at the time to people who I didn't even care for all that much. I just talked to myself, both inside my head and aloud. If you think I am crazy, try it yourself maybe you will feel better too.
I was a very quiet child and I never really left that shell. I gradually opened it for some people and I still find it hard to trust most people. As a child in elementary school, I always only had one or two real friends. I wasn't popular but I was liked by most people, I was never really sure why. I guess because I was never stepping on anyone's toes, I was just there. Sometimes I was so quiet people would actually forget I was sitting right next to them. I loved school though and it was all I really cared about. I got A's on everything and when I didn't I actually cried. I hated failing, as if I would go to Hell if I got a B or lower on anything. My parents never were that strict on my about grades, but I was really a perfectionist about it then.
I was always perfectly content with those couple of friends I had. I never needed anyone else. I had them and videogames and tv and school and I was as happy as I could ever wish to be. I never cared for anyone of the opposite sex really. Of course this is still elementary school times so I was still young. I was fine with my two guy friends.
Gradually time passed and middle school came along. I still had one good friend and I had school. Math was always my favorite and I joined Math League in 6th grade. It was the best experience ever and I wanted to do it every year, but they stopped doing it halfway through 7th grade, it sucked and I was spiteful. It was my only club because I was not much a sports person and I really wasn't a team person. I just went along with school. I stayed with my good friend even though he had friends that I didn't care much for. They were the people that didn't even finish high school as far as I know and probably will end up dead on a street corner by OD. Oh well, not my problem. I didn't like them much.
Eventually middle school ends and all of a sudden I have no friends anymore. I don't know what's happened but my once best and only friend is no longer there. And then it hit me that I really don't care. I spent 8 years of my life with this almost brother, and now I don't even care that he is gone. Isn't there something wrong with that picture? But I continued on nonetheless. I ended up being one of the smart people. I was ranked in the top 15 students every semester of high school. So this lead me to become friends with mostly other smart people. I got to know a few of them and had classes with them all four years. However, none of these friends were people that I really hung around with. I never went over anyone's house to play or went out to the movies or anything like that. Once the end of the day bell rang the the bus dropped me off in my neighborhood I completely dropped off the radar. I had no extra-curriculars, until Math League started, which was always during school. I had went to no sporting events. I did nothing but sit in my room mostly and play videogames or watch tv. I was a very "anti-social" person. I didn't care at the time. I just wanted to do what I was doing and do well in school. I was still not very interested in any girls. I just never got that feeling for anyone in particular. I didn't mind talking to them and I didn't mind have grade competitions with anyone but I didn't really care to have a girlfriend. I was perfectly content with me, myself, and I.
Sophomore year rolls around and I start to get to know a few people more. I get to classes like Biology that involve working in groups to do activities. I learn about people a bit more about the people around me. Before the end of the year, I start to feel interested by a girl in my class. I didn't know where it came from and I didn't know what to do. I was completely clueless. I start going to my room even more frequently and brainstorming ideas of what to do. The thing I come up with that sounds most reasonable to me is to write a note to her. I spent weeks writing and rewriting a note that that ended up being less than a page long. I took my normal methods of being extremely cautious in wording. That is why it took so long. I finally had a note that I deemed good enough to give to her. Now to work up the nerve to give it to her. That was the hardest part of the process. I am horrible at speaking let alone to tell someone that I like them. After quite a bit more time I finally got the nerve to go to her locker and quickly say, "here this is for you." Then I walked away. I feel like a weight was taken from my shoulders. Then there was the response that was to come the next day.
The next day was a day that I won't soon forget. It was lunch and I knew where she sat and I was looking over at her table. She was talking to friends and then all of a sudden one of our mutual friends with whom she was talking whips around and gives me the most surprised look I have ever seen in my life. It was actually hard not to laugh. I didn't know what to think so I went on with my lunch. It was nearing the end of the day in Bio class. It happened to end early and she came over to my desk. By this time I had so much anxiety, I thought I would just burst. When she came over to me she told me to follow to the back of the room. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable but I followed because I still had some minuscule hope. I was told as expected that she didn't like me that way but that we should get to know each other better before anything else.
I was so satisfied by this result, believe it or not. It was possibly the best response that I could have ever expected. There was a small possibility. I just was glad nothing too horrible came out of it. I think I will save the rest of high school and college until now for future posts because those will be even longer stories. That and I'm pretty sure whoever reads this will want to dig out their eyeballs by the end because it's so long. So, on that note I will stop. Bye bye.
Bored in my room until lunch
Well, I'm back again and bored as ever. No research today because Dr. Bastin has a demo of new equipment for labs and then has class so he can't help us out. Just one class and EWB meeting tonight. I'm sure this won't be my only post today. Now it's just a matter of figuring out something to post.
I actually was looking at some other blogs a bit ago and found a person that has an interesting blog. I read a few of her past posts and they are really enjoyable to read. I would post her blog on here but I don't want to creep her out at all. If she responds to the comment I posted I may add it on here for others to read. She, like I feel I will have soon enough, has very few readers.
Anyway...
Not sure what to write about. I haven't been too philosophical this morning. I just feel like lounging and sleeping. I can't stop thinking about Neon Genesis. It is such a good show.
I guess I can talk about research this summer. I have been working under several professors from the Chem department. First was Dr. Van Bramer, we worked on freshman labs and basically did them over and over again. It was fun. Next was Dr. Nagengast, which is a lab I wish I never entered for the simple reason that now I am interested in Biochem. I never even considered it before then, and now I have another possible minor for myself. Joy. After her was Dr. Martin, my Chem adviser, that was actually a lot more fun than the others were saying. I enjoyed it a lot. It was a lot of sitting and waiting but it was a really good learning experience. Now as I said, I'm with Dr. Bastin, who will be my Organic Chem teacher next semester. He is pretty cool, I just wish he would give us more time in the lab. It is now Wednesday and I have worked only 6 hours so far. I should have worked at least twice that amount by the end of the day. Oh well, what can you do.
Then there is a few other professor we will be working with the next few weeks. Not sure who yet, but it should be cool.
Later this summer, as in August 11-17, I will be in Flagstaff, Arizona with Dr. Augensen and Scott Snell. We are doing observing in Lowell Observatory. I hope it is as exciting as it sounds. I don't anticipate it to be any less though.
Well that took a half hour so far. Now another half hour until lunch. Let's see...
I can't think of anything important well I guess that means I will leave anything I think of until later. Bye bye.
I actually was looking at some other blogs a bit ago and found a person that has an interesting blog. I read a few of her past posts and they are really enjoyable to read. I would post her blog on here but I don't want to creep her out at all. If she responds to the comment I posted I may add it on here for others to read. She, like I feel I will have soon enough, has very few readers.
Anyway...
Not sure what to write about. I haven't been too philosophical this morning. I just feel like lounging and sleeping. I can't stop thinking about Neon Genesis. It is such a good show.
I guess I can talk about research this summer. I have been working under several professors from the Chem department. First was Dr. Van Bramer, we worked on freshman labs and basically did them over and over again. It was fun. Next was Dr. Nagengast, which is a lab I wish I never entered for the simple reason that now I am interested in Biochem. I never even considered it before then, and now I have another possible minor for myself. Joy. After her was Dr. Martin, my Chem adviser, that was actually a lot more fun than the others were saying. I enjoyed it a lot. It was a lot of sitting and waiting but it was a really good learning experience. Now as I said, I'm with Dr. Bastin, who will be my Organic Chem teacher next semester. He is pretty cool, I just wish he would give us more time in the lab. It is now Wednesday and I have worked only 6 hours so far. I should have worked at least twice that amount by the end of the day. Oh well, what can you do.
Then there is a few other professor we will be working with the next few weeks. Not sure who yet, but it should be cool.
Later this summer, as in August 11-17, I will be in Flagstaff, Arizona with Dr. Augensen and Scott Snell. We are doing observing in Lowell Observatory. I hope it is as exciting as it sounds. I don't anticipate it to be any less though.
Well that took a half hour so far. Now another half hour until lunch. Let's see...
I can't think of anything important well I guess that means I will leave anything I think of until later. Bye bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)