Well you knew it was coming. As I sit here watching a white house conference something-or-other I need to get some ideas down.
Death of Osama
So what was it, 3 days ago now that he was killed? From what I know about the actual murder, a team of "elite" soldiers were sent in and they captured and killed Osama Bin Laden. They shot him multiple times (I think in the head and the chest). They took photos and analyzed them before to determine that they were 95% sure it was him. After the killing they took DNA and all kinds of other evidence to make sure it was actually him. Apparently shortly afterward they dumped his body into the sea/ocean/other body of water. Of course this led to conspiracy theories right away.
Reactions to the Murder
What was your first reaction when you heard? Patriotically, most people are extremely happy. I'll admit, I think my first thought was more skepticism than anything. I saw it first on yahoo and I was skeptical because of my lack of confidence in media. Then I started seeing it on facebook and I thought: oh I guess this is legit. Then it was rumors from there. I will talk more about my ideas in the next section. So some reactions I have heard: Overwhelmingly, people are really happy, to the point of celebrating in the streets; Some are skeptical of the death and are concocting conspiracy theories like mad; Some are nervously awaiting the retaliation from other Al Qaida members; Very few (one such example is Steelers RB, Rashard Mendenhall) are actually thinking about this as a very extreme reaction, he believes that celebrating a death is not a great thing to be doing. This brings me to my beliefs of all this nonsense.
My Idea of It All
My thoughts on people's reactions: people are worse than me. I have awful thoughts about some people and I think everyone probably does at some point. In fact, I have some really messed up ideas that run through my head sometimes. But I still don't believe that the death of one man should be celebrated to the extent it has been. And the fact that so many people desire to see the pictures of his dead body just makes me realize how sadistic the general public really is. Why this is such a huge victory to all these people, is what I want to know.
Just because one member of the terrorist group is gone, does not mean that the group has disbanded. They are still a group of radical believers no matter if their leader has been killed.
Just because this one man is dead, no person killed in the September 11th attack has been returned or anything else beneficial like that. It was just like avenging any other person's death by killing the perpetrator.
Some people think that it should not be talked about so that Osama does not get more attention than necessary. I don't see what's wrong with this at all. I would prefer not to hear about it 24/7. Plus based on the common belief of hatred for him, we should probably stop celebrating him altogether. I mean, no one celebrates Hitler or Stalin as far as I know.
Why is there such a desire to see this post mortem photo? This is a concept of need for direct proof vs government trust. I can't say I trust the government completely because there is more than enough problems I have with politics. However, this is a case where there is no reason for anyone to lie. Why would the government need to lie about this? It seems senseless at this point in time.
Another thought I have heard on one of these newscasts is the idea that other terrorists will use Osama's death as a martyr to justify more attacks and take revenge. Ok first of all, I am pretty sure this person may have two completely different ideas intertwined which do not belong together. Martyrs, from what I know, is a person who dies for their beliefs and they are then revered for their sacrifice. Is that not correct? Ok, if that is correct then why would someone who believes in that person as a martyr take revenge? Osama would not be a martyr if the US did no kill him, so why would other radical Muslims take revenge for the killing. I am not trying to say they would not retaliate and fight the US but this would not be out of revenge, it would be out of devotion and desire to join him. So they could either use him as a martyr or they could take revenge, not both together. It may seem like a minor technicality, but it was just something that annoyed me.
Alright I think this is enough for now. I have input my ideas.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Atheism, much too radicalized
Alright, I will admit I use the stumbleupon application a lot. And I have a good number of topics which I am very interested in. Religion is one of these many topics. However, it seems that of these religion sites I get, the most common ones are of atheism.
Now I believe atheism is too misunderstood to have so much attention, and it always has. No one has ever understood the reasoning for or the belief of atheism. I hope that this post will enlighten a few people about some belief systems and their implications, at least as far as I know them.
Now some people have this belief that there is either science or religion. Science, things like evolution and physics and archaeology, are concepts which are based off of what we call scientific data and analysis. Tests have been performed over and over to find out the amount of truth value for these theories. This is the basis of science as we know it. Religion is no based on these values. Religion is based on faith and tradition. Religion is just another way for people to explain things.
Now anyone who has read some of my past blogs should be aware that I believe strongly in science. I am not a person big in faith for anything other than science. However, I do not believe that religion is wrong. I believe that science is my faith system. I do not have much of a religion system though.
Atheists and non-atheists of the internet both have the same idea of atheism. They will not admit this but they all believe exactly the same thing. Atheists of the internet are the same as theists of the internet. They openly discredit and denounce other religious beliefs and they attack those who aren't "enlightened" as they are.
I will just say that I don't believe that atheists are necessarily wrong in their ideas, but they are certainly wrong in these attacks. That isn't to say that theists are not wrong as well for the attacks they deal. No one is right for attacking another person when they have no idea themselves as to what the correct answer actually is.
Overall the concept of atheism is not only used to denounce other religions but it is also used simply because only the basic ideas are understood. Most who have atheist websites and other webpages use the ideas of atheism incorrectly. This, to me, seems to an incorrect way to believe in something. These people should stop wasting their time posting incorrect ideas and start researching what real atheism is.
Atheism is not the belief in science. It is not the belief of anti-Christian/Jewish/Islamic/etc. ideas. Atheism is the system of beliefs that there is no god. It is not a group of religion haters. It is a group of people who do not belief in a deity. There are both theists and self-proclaimed atheists who think that atheists believe in science and "know" based on science that there is no god.
Again this is simply a misunderstood and misused belief system. It is used by outsiders as a scapegoat for religious wrongs. It is used by radical believers as a way to rationalize their being "right" and everyone else being wrong.
Overall, atheism is overused and abused by those who misunderstand. I hope that people realize these things and I can stop reading about how wrong everyone else is who believes is anything. There is no reason religions and belief systems need to attack one another. No one really knows what's going to happen thus there is no true answer. Why can't people just see that?
Now I believe atheism is too misunderstood to have so much attention, and it always has. No one has ever understood the reasoning for or the belief of atheism. I hope that this post will enlighten a few people about some belief systems and their implications, at least as far as I know them.
Now some people have this belief that there is either science or religion. Science, things like evolution and physics and archaeology, are concepts which are based off of what we call scientific data and analysis. Tests have been performed over and over to find out the amount of truth value for these theories. This is the basis of science as we know it. Religion is no based on these values. Religion is based on faith and tradition. Religion is just another way for people to explain things.
Now anyone who has read some of my past blogs should be aware that I believe strongly in science. I am not a person big in faith for anything other than science. However, I do not believe that religion is wrong. I believe that science is my faith system. I do not have much of a religion system though.
Atheists and non-atheists of the internet both have the same idea of atheism. They will not admit this but they all believe exactly the same thing. Atheists of the internet are the same as theists of the internet. They openly discredit and denounce other religious beliefs and they attack those who aren't "enlightened" as they are.
I will just say that I don't believe that atheists are necessarily wrong in their ideas, but they are certainly wrong in these attacks. That isn't to say that theists are not wrong as well for the attacks they deal. No one is right for attacking another person when they have no idea themselves as to what the correct answer actually is.
Overall the concept of atheism is not only used to denounce other religions but it is also used simply because only the basic ideas are understood. Most who have atheist websites and other webpages use the ideas of atheism incorrectly. This, to me, seems to an incorrect way to believe in something. These people should stop wasting their time posting incorrect ideas and start researching what real atheism is.
Atheism is not the belief in science. It is not the belief of anti-Christian/Jewish/Islamic/etc. ideas. Atheism is the system of beliefs that there is no god. It is not a group of religion haters. It is a group of people who do not belief in a deity. There are both theists and self-proclaimed atheists who think that atheists believe in science and "know" based on science that there is no god.
Again this is simply a misunderstood and misused belief system. It is used by outsiders as a scapegoat for religious wrongs. It is used by radical believers as a way to rationalize their being "right" and everyone else being wrong.
Overall, atheism is overused and abused by those who misunderstand. I hope that people realize these things and I can stop reading about how wrong everyone else is who believes is anything. There is no reason religions and belief systems need to attack one another. No one really knows what's going to happen thus there is no true answer. Why can't people just see that?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Humans' Problems
Well obviously I have been neglecting my blog for quite a while. I suppose some of my current thoughts should be written down though.
These thoughts have mostly been brought on by the anthropology class I have been taking this semester. I am sure it will seem quite stream of consciousness because some of the ideas have been dormant for a little while now. But the main thought I wish to convey, while I sit in the cool breeze and warm sunlight and listen to the birds and construction around me, is that humanity has far too many problems. And as far as I can see there is only one solution: catastrophe. The human species has "progressed" to a point from which there is no turning back. We as Homo sapien have come to a cross roads. Do we:
1. continue to destroy the home which we need so much
2. attempt to fix the problems we have caused, with little chance of success
3. halt all immediate "progress" and correct the wrongs we have committed
4. create or await a catastrophe which will assist us in starting over
This is a choice that cannot be chosen by a select few. It must be a unanimous decision and one in which all who exist must partake. Now it seems fairly obvious to any reader that I am making such bold statements at this point in time, but for what reason, what are these problems of which I speak. I will tell you now that there are far too many for me to summarize in one sitting, probably more than I could summarize in a single lifetime. So I will just speak of the ones that come to mind while I write. And of course, since I am little aware of many issues outside my own home, I will probably not be discussing many foreign ideas, mostly USA-domestic concepts.
I shall begin with a few subjects brought to my attention recently in my anthropology class. The first is our complete ass-backward sense of criminal justice in the USA. The US has likely, the worse prison system in the world. It costs $65,000 for every criminal in prison. The US also has one of the highest imprisonment rates in the world. Approximately 1 in every 99 people in the US is in prison. That is over 1% of the population and at the cost of $65k per criminal, that's a hell of a lot of money. How are these prisons run? They are essentially 2-3 star hotels. They are fed and have TV and don't have many worries. Compared to many of their normal lives, they are more than content with being in prison. Not only that but they are around other criminals as well and these people learn from each other. They can learn skills and other things from the veteran criminals. These skills will help them become better at what they do when they leave the prison. And how is anyone being helped by the prison system? Well the private agencies who own the prison get all that money that tax payers pay for the prisons. The prisoners learn to become better criminals. And the other people of the country get to pay those bills just to have a never ending process of criminals being put into prison and going back on the streets a few years later to just return to doing what they do best.
The proposition from my anthropology teacher and a book we have read on the subject is to teach these people. Teach these criminals useful skills (such as finding a decent job to benefit society), give them some help if needed (such as psychological treatment for any mental disorders they may have), give them a decent education which many criminals do not have. We need to help them, not simply punish them and not tell them what they should change. And this leads to a connection and where I wish to lead to next. Corporations and organizations that own these prisons and almost every other industry in the US and the world.
This concept in and of itself should be a crime. Corporations and other large companies are not an area which I know a great amount about, but from what I do know this concept sounds like a complete sham. These companies have immense amounts of power and they are able to do essentially whatever they want. For example the prison system is in the shits, so why hasn't it been fixed? That's because these private owners, these companies, make a crap load of money. They don't want this system to change because they are making more money than most of those people who pay these expenses can even dream of. This is not only the case in prisons in the country. This also has a huge impact in our foreign policy. We have corporations who basically own entire countries and peoples. For example the people of Puerto Rico are and were being forced out of their own home because of the corporations who own land and plantations there. These corporations are running the lands ragged until their will soon be no nutrients left in the soil and nothing will be able to survive. The same is true of the oil in Trinidad. The people living there have so much oil they do not even realize how rich they could be. Unfortunately, due to the English colonization and the US continuation of these ideas, the Trinidadians have no ownership of their own resources. These corporations have all the power over the oil in this region and the riches of it are obtained by the upper 1% of the population (much like the riches of the USA which I will get to later). Not only are corporations influential in foreign topics and in the criminal justice system, they are also very persistent in domestic politics. These corporations have to save themselves, they have to make sure that the people who run the government will not turn on them. Thus they need to "donate" to their protectors, not to those who will make a better society. These corporations are criminals whom no one will ever convict because they have lots of power. These corporations have all the money in the world and people have been taught the mindset that money is everything. Which brings me to the next topic: money.
Money is the root of all evil. This statement makes itself clearer and clearer everyday in my mind. I, as a minimal materialism type of person, try to avoid the concept of money as much as I can. For as long as I can remember, I have had a problem with the "capitalistic" system. It is highly overrated, especially since people do not seem to realize, it really is not all that capitalistic anymore. For whatever reason people always seem to associate socialism and communism with "un-American." And yet we still systems like social security and welfare to assist those who cannot survive themselves. People are confused. Of course, I too have minimal understanding of all these concepts (hell I can't even do my own taxes completely, my dad still does them). I just do not feel that capitalism is all the people think it is. Money is just pieces of paper and metal now. There is no longer any gold backing up the system anymore. There is too much money in circulation to be backed with gold; it cannot be mined fast enough. And where does all that money go? The 1% of people who possess >70% of the power in this country. "What life is this we live?" I could not have chosen a better url for this blog. But I suppose this is the concept that we consider the American way, huh? Seems pretty sucky to me.
I was going to go into another concept which is blinding us, but I feel like there will be another time and place for it. I will briefly state my opinion on it though. Religion vs. Science. I have written about it several times but I do not think that my point has been on the mark yet. This is officially what I believe at this time and it truly makes the most sense to me now. There should be no battle at all, these concepts are completely separate. There is no one true comparison between the two. Religion was created on the basis of faith , whereas science was created on the basis of multiple trials and testing theories and trying to find some explanation for what happens around us. These are no longer conflicting in my mind. I will discuss this more at another time I am positive.
Nature is the only true asset we have on this planet. Why do we insist on destroying it? I understand using assets to our advantage, but the rate at which the advantage is taking is also of importance. See people do not seem to realize what limits there are in nature. There is only a limited amount of resources we have available. Not only that but people also do not seem to realize how much we are using these materials. I cannot even begin to discuss all the uses and purposes we attach to certain materials. There are so many things that are being done by humans that discussing all of them would take another lifetime. However, my major intention here is to bring to your attention the destruction that is occurring and has been occurring of the plant and animal life of the world. This needs to be reversed quickly. There have been more endangered species to come about since the beginning of the industrial era due to human over-indulgence than species that died off at the K-T mass extinction. (I will admit that this may be a bit of an exaggeration but it is not all that far fetched.) We need to conserve our resources, if not so that we can live a bit longer, at least so that we are able to looked at the majesty and beauty of nature.
And one last topic I have thought of that has been a major pain in my side for a lengthy time. The overt maelstrom of ignorance that people have and they are presented with in today's society. There is so little necessity in these distractions that are presented. Celebrities are my biggest pet peeve. Celebrities are one of the biggest problems with today's society. It is a complete nuisance. Why must we know the latest sex scandal of one or another person? (Many of these ideas can also be applied to politicians). Is there any reason for that? Why do we have to know about this famous preteen youth who does drugs in her spare time? Is there any significance in our own lives? No, not really. If anything this just makes it impossibly harder for people to live decent lives. Looking at these actors and actresses, sex symbols, and musicians as role models is destroying individuals. These obsessive people and other relatively average people look up to famous people as if the famous life is the only thing they need. Thus they follow in the footsteps of some "famous", but truthfully normal, person. Celebrities are not any better than anyone else. They are normal people who are able to play music or imitate someone else. They have very few special skills and they, for the most part, have no real benefit to society, other than providing a distraction from reality (which I am proposing is a bad thing). Not only this but going back to the money issue, these people possess more money than any one person who has actually done something of importance to society, I am 90% positive of that. There are millions of other distractions that this society has which are awful for civilization as a whole. Things like videogames and entertainment TV are awful, but I will not deny I partake in them more than I should. There are far too many distractions in this world for anyone to be able to concentrate on the true issues.
These are the problems of society. These are the things that need to be changed. Now going back to my proposed solutions.
1. continue to destroy the home which we need so much
2. attempt to fix the problems we have caused, with little chance of success
3. halt all immediate "progress" and correct the wrongs we have committed
4. create or await a catastrophe which will assist us in starting over
Number 1, is not a solution, of that I am convinced. That is just continuing what we are doing now and not helping anyone. With that option we will all be dead before the end of this century.
Number 2, that is what we are lazily attempting to do. We have a few minute initiatives to fix a couple of our minor problems. That is not going to help much, we may make it out of this century but not much further than that.
Number 3, this sounds like a decent solution to me. But looking at the current record of society, there is approximately 0% chance of that seeing the light of day. I guarantee that none of you would stop watching your favorite celebrity shows on TV and start looking into ways to fix our economy. I guarantee that no one is willing to stop researching things that will make them money, and start researching things that will actually fix our interactions with the environment. These types of changes are not characteristic of humans.
Number 4, this is the only option I believe will work with a group as stubborn as Homo sapien. As implausible as it is there is little choice in the matter. We need to do something. My proposition is a worldwide EMP. This will not only stop our technological progress but it will set us back a few generations. Of course this will not help much once we rediscover electricity but it may assist in slowing us down to a point at which we can actually stop and think.
Society is moving too fast, that is the major issue here. And that is what needs to be solved. If we can fix this, we may be able to fix ourselves and survive for a bit longer in this existence, not as individuals but as a species. Of course this concept of backing up would result in many moral problems, like mass deaths, but my question about that is: Is that really a problem? Overcrowding is a major problem as well. A few deaths for the benefit of an entire species. As the Christians say, "What would Jesus do?" Or perhaps it is more appropriate to ask, what did he do?
Just more thoughts on my mind. Criticize all you like. Perhaps you too will teach me something as I hope I may teach you something.
These thoughts have mostly been brought on by the anthropology class I have been taking this semester. I am sure it will seem quite stream of consciousness because some of the ideas have been dormant for a little while now. But the main thought I wish to convey, while I sit in the cool breeze and warm sunlight and listen to the birds and construction around me, is that humanity has far too many problems. And as far as I can see there is only one solution: catastrophe. The human species has "progressed" to a point from which there is no turning back. We as Homo sapien have come to a cross roads. Do we:
1. continue to destroy the home which we need so much
2. attempt to fix the problems we have caused, with little chance of success
3. halt all immediate "progress" and correct the wrongs we have committed
4. create or await a catastrophe which will assist us in starting over
This is a choice that cannot be chosen by a select few. It must be a unanimous decision and one in which all who exist must partake. Now it seems fairly obvious to any reader that I am making such bold statements at this point in time, but for what reason, what are these problems of which I speak. I will tell you now that there are far too many for me to summarize in one sitting, probably more than I could summarize in a single lifetime. So I will just speak of the ones that come to mind while I write. And of course, since I am little aware of many issues outside my own home, I will probably not be discussing many foreign ideas, mostly USA-domestic concepts.
I shall begin with a few subjects brought to my attention recently in my anthropology class. The first is our complete ass-backward sense of criminal justice in the USA. The US has likely, the worse prison system in the world. It costs $65,000 for every criminal in prison. The US also has one of the highest imprisonment rates in the world. Approximately 1 in every 99 people in the US is in prison. That is over 1% of the population and at the cost of $65k per criminal, that's a hell of a lot of money. How are these prisons run? They are essentially 2-3 star hotels. They are fed and have TV and don't have many worries. Compared to many of their normal lives, they are more than content with being in prison. Not only that but they are around other criminals as well and these people learn from each other. They can learn skills and other things from the veteran criminals. These skills will help them become better at what they do when they leave the prison. And how is anyone being helped by the prison system? Well the private agencies who own the prison get all that money that tax payers pay for the prisons. The prisoners learn to become better criminals. And the other people of the country get to pay those bills just to have a never ending process of criminals being put into prison and going back on the streets a few years later to just return to doing what they do best.
The proposition from my anthropology teacher and a book we have read on the subject is to teach these people. Teach these criminals useful skills (such as finding a decent job to benefit society), give them some help if needed (such as psychological treatment for any mental disorders they may have), give them a decent education which many criminals do not have. We need to help them, not simply punish them and not tell them what they should change. And this leads to a connection and where I wish to lead to next. Corporations and organizations that own these prisons and almost every other industry in the US and the world.
This concept in and of itself should be a crime. Corporations and other large companies are not an area which I know a great amount about, but from what I do know this concept sounds like a complete sham. These companies have immense amounts of power and they are able to do essentially whatever they want. For example the prison system is in the shits, so why hasn't it been fixed? That's because these private owners, these companies, make a crap load of money. They don't want this system to change because they are making more money than most of those people who pay these expenses can even dream of. This is not only the case in prisons in the country. This also has a huge impact in our foreign policy. We have corporations who basically own entire countries and peoples. For example the people of Puerto Rico are and were being forced out of their own home because of the corporations who own land and plantations there. These corporations are running the lands ragged until their will soon be no nutrients left in the soil and nothing will be able to survive. The same is true of the oil in Trinidad. The people living there have so much oil they do not even realize how rich they could be. Unfortunately, due to the English colonization and the US continuation of these ideas, the Trinidadians have no ownership of their own resources. These corporations have all the power over the oil in this region and the riches of it are obtained by the upper 1% of the population (much like the riches of the USA which I will get to later). Not only are corporations influential in foreign topics and in the criminal justice system, they are also very persistent in domestic politics. These corporations have to save themselves, they have to make sure that the people who run the government will not turn on them. Thus they need to "donate" to their protectors, not to those who will make a better society. These corporations are criminals whom no one will ever convict because they have lots of power. These corporations have all the money in the world and people have been taught the mindset that money is everything. Which brings me to the next topic: money.
Money is the root of all evil. This statement makes itself clearer and clearer everyday in my mind. I, as a minimal materialism type of person, try to avoid the concept of money as much as I can. For as long as I can remember, I have had a problem with the "capitalistic" system. It is highly overrated, especially since people do not seem to realize, it really is not all that capitalistic anymore. For whatever reason people always seem to associate socialism and communism with "un-American." And yet we still systems like social security and welfare to assist those who cannot survive themselves. People are confused. Of course, I too have minimal understanding of all these concepts (hell I can't even do my own taxes completely, my dad still does them). I just do not feel that capitalism is all the people think it is. Money is just pieces of paper and metal now. There is no longer any gold backing up the system anymore. There is too much money in circulation to be backed with gold; it cannot be mined fast enough. And where does all that money go? The 1% of people who possess >70% of the power in this country. "What life is this we live?" I could not have chosen a better url for this blog. But I suppose this is the concept that we consider the American way, huh? Seems pretty sucky to me.
I was going to go into another concept which is blinding us, but I feel like there will be another time and place for it. I will briefly state my opinion on it though. Religion vs. Science. I have written about it several times but I do not think that my point has been on the mark yet. This is officially what I believe at this time and it truly makes the most sense to me now. There should be no battle at all, these concepts are completely separate. There is no one true comparison between the two. Religion was created on the basis of faith , whereas science was created on the basis of multiple trials and testing theories and trying to find some explanation for what happens around us. These are no longer conflicting in my mind. I will discuss this more at another time I am positive.
Nature is the only true asset we have on this planet. Why do we insist on destroying it? I understand using assets to our advantage, but the rate at which the advantage is taking is also of importance. See people do not seem to realize what limits there are in nature. There is only a limited amount of resources we have available. Not only that but people also do not seem to realize how much we are using these materials. I cannot even begin to discuss all the uses and purposes we attach to certain materials. There are so many things that are being done by humans that discussing all of them would take another lifetime. However, my major intention here is to bring to your attention the destruction that is occurring and has been occurring of the plant and animal life of the world. This needs to be reversed quickly. There have been more endangered species to come about since the beginning of the industrial era due to human over-indulgence than species that died off at the K-T mass extinction. (I will admit that this may be a bit of an exaggeration but it is not all that far fetched.) We need to conserve our resources, if not so that we can live a bit longer, at least so that we are able to looked at the majesty and beauty of nature.
And one last topic I have thought of that has been a major pain in my side for a lengthy time. The overt maelstrom of ignorance that people have and they are presented with in today's society. There is so little necessity in these distractions that are presented. Celebrities are my biggest pet peeve. Celebrities are one of the biggest problems with today's society. It is a complete nuisance. Why must we know the latest sex scandal of one or another person? (Many of these ideas can also be applied to politicians). Is there any reason for that? Why do we have to know about this famous preteen youth who does drugs in her spare time? Is there any significance in our own lives? No, not really. If anything this just makes it impossibly harder for people to live decent lives. Looking at these actors and actresses, sex symbols, and musicians as role models is destroying individuals. These obsessive people and other relatively average people look up to famous people as if the famous life is the only thing they need. Thus they follow in the footsteps of some "famous", but truthfully normal, person. Celebrities are not any better than anyone else. They are normal people who are able to play music or imitate someone else. They have very few special skills and they, for the most part, have no real benefit to society, other than providing a distraction from reality (which I am proposing is a bad thing). Not only this but going back to the money issue, these people possess more money than any one person who has actually done something of importance to society, I am 90% positive of that. There are millions of other distractions that this society has which are awful for civilization as a whole. Things like videogames and entertainment TV are awful, but I will not deny I partake in them more than I should. There are far too many distractions in this world for anyone to be able to concentrate on the true issues.
These are the problems of society. These are the things that need to be changed. Now going back to my proposed solutions.
1. continue to destroy the home which we need so much
2. attempt to fix the problems we have caused, with little chance of success
3. halt all immediate "progress" and correct the wrongs we have committed
4. create or await a catastrophe which will assist us in starting over
Number 1, is not a solution, of that I am convinced. That is just continuing what we are doing now and not helping anyone. With that option we will all be dead before the end of this century.
Number 2, that is what we are lazily attempting to do. We have a few minute initiatives to fix a couple of our minor problems. That is not going to help much, we may make it out of this century but not much further than that.
Number 3, this sounds like a decent solution to me. But looking at the current record of society, there is approximately 0% chance of that seeing the light of day. I guarantee that none of you would stop watching your favorite celebrity shows on TV and start looking into ways to fix our economy. I guarantee that no one is willing to stop researching things that will make them money, and start researching things that will actually fix our interactions with the environment. These types of changes are not characteristic of humans.
Number 4, this is the only option I believe will work with a group as stubborn as Homo sapien. As implausible as it is there is little choice in the matter. We need to do something. My proposition is a worldwide EMP. This will not only stop our technological progress but it will set us back a few generations. Of course this will not help much once we rediscover electricity but it may assist in slowing us down to a point at which we can actually stop and think.
Society is moving too fast, that is the major issue here. And that is what needs to be solved. If we can fix this, we may be able to fix ourselves and survive for a bit longer in this existence, not as individuals but as a species. Of course this concept of backing up would result in many moral problems, like mass deaths, but my question about that is: Is that really a problem? Overcrowding is a major problem as well. A few deaths for the benefit of an entire species. As the Christians say, "What would Jesus do?" Or perhaps it is more appropriate to ask, what did he do?
Just more thoughts on my mind. Criticize all you like. Perhaps you too will teach me something as I hope I may teach you something.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Pacific Religions (New Idea Post 1)
Well it's been quite some time since my last post. I have learned quite a bit since my last posts. Both about myself and about all kinds of other topics. I have also come up with a new idea of blogs to post. I recently picked up a book on the religions throughout the world. My plan is to find whatever time I can and read sections of this book and write about the religions I learn about. This will both give me and my readers some knowledge that hopefully they never knew.
Well on to the first post: Religions of the Pacific
Alright well I wanted to start off in a more simple way, by reading the shortest chapter. This way I could see how well this all worked out. I didn't feel like reading the 100+ page section on Christianity just to end up getting bored with it and not wanted to post anything on it. Anyway, so this section was split into 4 different regions of people. Indonesia, Australia, Melanesia, and Polynesia. The group each seemed quite different considering their close proximity.
These groups were each originally written about by foreigners, who tended not to be worried about being objective. Thus, the stories from the past can hardly be very trustworthy. And the groups themselves had no way of writing their ideas and beliefs considering they had no written language. So the few ideas which are in this book came from more recent researchers and writers who tried to get ideas down from the older generations before they are gone forever.
Each of these groups has a very different idea of the world around them. The Indonesians believe in a Mother Earth and a Father Sky. These beings are married and eventually separate. This marriage though, results in the major crop of the area, rice. They also believe that the earth is inhabited by both humans and spirits. They believe in a cosmic order which must remain in balance, and in order for this to happen all humans, spirits and animals must behave correctly. All groups in Indonesian culture believe in an afterlife.
Australian groups themselves believe different ideas. South-eastern Australian believe that a male supreme being lives in the sky, while northern Australians believe in a Mother Earth figure. There is also a Rainbow Snake, which can be either male or female, associated with rain and water. The Rainbow Snake is believed to be the first creator. The Australians are very bound to nature, their religion is a for of Totemism. They are a non-materialistic people. They believe that the spirit exists before birth and survives after death. However, contrary to several Western religions, they do not believe in heaven or hell, the spirit just remains on the land.
Melanesian people believe in ancestor-spirits who can affect the lives of their living descendants. The people of Melanesia also believe in magic and even practice sorcery. Sometimes premature deaths and suicides cause suspicion of sorcery. If the person is not paid-back the spirit will not be able to journey on to its final destination.
Polynesian people belief in a god creator who made the cosmos from an original void (parallel to Big Bang Theory?). Then the Earth and Sky (similar to Indonesian belief) created lesser gods who in turn created humans and now preside over human concerns, like warfare and forests (much like other ancient belief systems). There are also lesser spirits and ghosts and demons on this earth. The living Polynesians trace their family line back to the land of Hawaiki where the spirits of the dead return to rest. The chief has direct access to the spiritual power of god.
Unfortunately many of these beliefs have been either replaced or at least tainted with other Western religions, like Christianity, Hinduism, and others. So there is very little pure Nativism left in the Pacific.
I think about these religions, well at least as much is presented by the editor and I see similarities between Catholicism and even the science that I follow. It is pretty intriguing, at least to me, just how similar people are. I mean the people who live on islands in the Pacific with relatively little outside contact, and people in the center Europe thousands of years ago, and the people who have been industrializing for hundreds of years; all these groups have ideas that all, minus a few details, sound really similar. I can't wait until I get to the more in-depth sections of Christianity and Islam and Judaism just to see what minute details I can find which are different from one another.
Well I suppose, to avoid internet plagiarism I should probably post the book information and give them their due credit.
"The Penguin Handbook of the World's Living Religions", edited by John R. Hinnells, Penguin Books, 2010
Well on to the first post: Religions of the Pacific
Alright well I wanted to start off in a more simple way, by reading the shortest chapter. This way I could see how well this all worked out. I didn't feel like reading the 100+ page section on Christianity just to end up getting bored with it and not wanted to post anything on it. Anyway, so this section was split into 4 different regions of people. Indonesia, Australia, Melanesia, and Polynesia. The group each seemed quite different considering their close proximity.
These groups were each originally written about by foreigners, who tended not to be worried about being objective. Thus, the stories from the past can hardly be very trustworthy. And the groups themselves had no way of writing their ideas and beliefs considering they had no written language. So the few ideas which are in this book came from more recent researchers and writers who tried to get ideas down from the older generations before they are gone forever.
Each of these groups has a very different idea of the world around them. The Indonesians believe in a Mother Earth and a Father Sky. These beings are married and eventually separate. This marriage though, results in the major crop of the area, rice. They also believe that the earth is inhabited by both humans and spirits. They believe in a cosmic order which must remain in balance, and in order for this to happen all humans, spirits and animals must behave correctly. All groups in Indonesian culture believe in an afterlife.
Australian groups themselves believe different ideas. South-eastern Australian believe that a male supreme being lives in the sky, while northern Australians believe in a Mother Earth figure. There is also a Rainbow Snake, which can be either male or female, associated with rain and water. The Rainbow Snake is believed to be the first creator. The Australians are very bound to nature, their religion is a for of Totemism. They are a non-materialistic people. They believe that the spirit exists before birth and survives after death. However, contrary to several Western religions, they do not believe in heaven or hell, the spirit just remains on the land.
Melanesian people believe in ancestor-spirits who can affect the lives of their living descendants. The people of Melanesia also believe in magic and even practice sorcery. Sometimes premature deaths and suicides cause suspicion of sorcery. If the person is not paid-back the spirit will not be able to journey on to its final destination.
Polynesian people belief in a god creator who made the cosmos from an original void (parallel to Big Bang Theory?). Then the Earth and Sky (similar to Indonesian belief) created lesser gods who in turn created humans and now preside over human concerns, like warfare and forests (much like other ancient belief systems). There are also lesser spirits and ghosts and demons on this earth. The living Polynesians trace their family line back to the land of Hawaiki where the spirits of the dead return to rest. The chief has direct access to the spiritual power of god.
Unfortunately many of these beliefs have been either replaced or at least tainted with other Western religions, like Christianity, Hinduism, and others. So there is very little pure Nativism left in the Pacific.
I think about these religions, well at least as much is presented by the editor and I see similarities between Catholicism and even the science that I follow. It is pretty intriguing, at least to me, just how similar people are. I mean the people who live on islands in the Pacific with relatively little outside contact, and people in the center Europe thousands of years ago, and the people who have been industrializing for hundreds of years; all these groups have ideas that all, minus a few details, sound really similar. I can't wait until I get to the more in-depth sections of Christianity and Islam and Judaism just to see what minute details I can find which are different from one another.
Well I suppose, to avoid internet plagiarism I should probably post the book information and give them their due credit.
"The Penguin Handbook of the World's Living Religions", edited by John R. Hinnells, Penguin Books, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I'm still learning
Well yet another lesson has been learned. So many lesson are to be learned in this life. I am really starting to realize that. It is strange how we can learn things. Just to give some perspective on the strangeness of the timing of this realization. I was heading to the bathroom tonight and a thought popped into my head about a conversation I was listening to some friends having about a week and a half ago. Yeah I know, what an extremely delayed reaction, right?
Anyway. On to the lesson. Two friends and I were walking back from dropping off another friend at the gym for her soccer game. They were discussing needing to fit the gym in their schedule and needing to work out more. I didn't get involved because I have a completely different mindset, I have no real desire to keep in shape, although it seems like society prefers people who do sometimes. Anyway, they were discussing this and in my head I was thinking, "Why? That's such a waste of energy and why do something that you obviously don't want to do?"
Well then one and a half weeks go by and I need to use the bathroom and all of a sudden this conversation enters my brain, and I have an epiphany. I realized they don't do it for no reason. They do it because it's good, they do it because they want to be healthy and this is the way that they can do it. Ok, so that isn't much of a realization. However, I did realize something about myself. They are willing to do this because they have to discipline to do it. They are willing to do something they don't want to do in order to, in the end, get something they do want.
The following list of thoughts all came out, in a very unordered way and I don't feel like sorting through it, so take it as you please:
And I realized that I am not like that. I am a spoiled person. I don't do things outside the realm of what was given to me. By this I mean that I have grown into a person with certain abilities. I am good at school for example. Thus I don't care to do anything major with my life but go to school. I do things that come easy to me and I don't challenge myself enough. I am basically a naive, inexperienced child when it comes to doing things.
I am a person who wants something at one time and does whatever leads to that goal. I don't really look at the future too much. This could be one of the major reasons that I have no idea what I want to do in my future. I have not really thought about that far in the future yet.
I am a person who does things that I am comfortable with. I don't try to expand myself and I don't try to go out of the comfort zone. This is the person I am socially and mentally as well.
I don't know if any of that made sense. I just wanted to get it all down before I lost it all. I don't even remember all that I wrote or if it was everything. I will just stop there, I don't have the mindset anymore to write more. Goodnight.
Anyway. On to the lesson. Two friends and I were walking back from dropping off another friend at the gym for her soccer game. They were discussing needing to fit the gym in their schedule and needing to work out more. I didn't get involved because I have a completely different mindset, I have no real desire to keep in shape, although it seems like society prefers people who do sometimes. Anyway, they were discussing this and in my head I was thinking, "Why? That's such a waste of energy and why do something that you obviously don't want to do?"
Well then one and a half weeks go by and I need to use the bathroom and all of a sudden this conversation enters my brain, and I have an epiphany. I realized they don't do it for no reason. They do it because it's good, they do it because they want to be healthy and this is the way that they can do it. Ok, so that isn't much of a realization. However, I did realize something about myself. They are willing to do this because they have to discipline to do it. They are willing to do something they don't want to do in order to, in the end, get something they do want.
The following list of thoughts all came out, in a very unordered way and I don't feel like sorting through it, so take it as you please:
And I realized that I am not like that. I am a spoiled person. I don't do things outside the realm of what was given to me. By this I mean that I have grown into a person with certain abilities. I am good at school for example. Thus I don't care to do anything major with my life but go to school. I do things that come easy to me and I don't challenge myself enough. I am basically a naive, inexperienced child when it comes to doing things.
I am a person who wants something at one time and does whatever leads to that goal. I don't really look at the future too much. This could be one of the major reasons that I have no idea what I want to do in my future. I have not really thought about that far in the future yet.
I am a person who does things that I am comfortable with. I don't try to expand myself and I don't try to go out of the comfort zone. This is the person I am socially and mentally as well.
I don't know if any of that made sense. I just wanted to get it all down before I lost it all. I don't even remember all that I wrote or if it was everything. I will just stop there, I don't have the mindset anymore to write more. Goodnight.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Anger
What is the reason for anger? Why do we experience such a heinous emotion? Everyone does. So why? Is there some evolutionary or biological reason for it? Is there any way to stop it? Is there any way to control it?
I have been a very angry person lately. I have wasted an entire day being angry. Just to find out that there is really no reason for it. Even as I write this I am still partially angry at some people I know and for reasons that, really, I have no business worrying about. It doesn't pertain to me and it doesn't actually affect my life at all. So why am I angry?
I personally am angry because some people just don't think. They don't listen to those who care about them. Some don't even listen to themselves. Some are just idiots, others aren't but still act like it. So again, why am I mad?
I really can't explain why I am so angry. I guess it is because these people are friends. I hold them to the standards I hold myself to.
I guess I just hate to see them messing up their lives and being such idiots. I always feel as though I should tell them, but I know as soon as I do they will just become angry with me for not minding my own business. I don't want that tension. In my mind, bottling up anger and frustration is much easier than losing a friend, or even upsetting a friend. I have handled my emotions all my life this way, but friends in my life come very sparsely and I need them to last.
Or maybe that last paragraph is just a load of crap, and I just don't like other people having fun. Maybe that's what it is. I already know that I can't have fun, so maybe if my friends don't have fun than I'll be happier. Perhaps my mind is really that selfish. I don't know.
Anyway, back to the real issue. Why is there anger in this world? What is the central cause for it? Some people lose things and become angry, some people simply become upset, some people don't experience any emotion at all. Why is there such a difference among people? And there are different degrees of anger. There are violent, screaming, subtle, and so many other ways that people experience anger.
I suppose our environment when we are younger gives us much of the general reaction to anger. If your parents curse and shout when they are angry, then likely you too will do that. If you grow up in a house of beatings and physical punishment, then you likely will do that as well when older. Well assuming that explains every case, which it most certainly doesn't, then why did anger develop in the first place?
Why are people so angry? Some people get angry at everything. Why is this? Is there just some cosmic balance that says that some people have to be angry all the time? I personally don't believe that even though it is really easy to say. So scientifically, why is this?
Well I suppose early species got angry at others because of territory. Territory fights are very common among all species, not excluding humans, even now. Well considering this, why still did these species get angry?
Ok well let's think about modern day occurrences... What are the alternatives? Happiness, sadness, apathy, etc. So why wouldn't we experience these other emotions? Well happiness is a raising of the morale level, it is the mood that hopefully most enjoy. Why wouldn't we experience this? Well the losing of something important, for example, doesn't usually make beings happy; they usually obtained it through some effort or work. Thus they have an important connection to it. Thus lowing this object would cause a large amount of stress to build. This is why happiness does not occur. So why can't more people just simply become sad when they lose objects?
So sadness is, like anger, a lowering of morale due to increase in stress usually. What really is the separation between sadness and anger? I personally tend to experience both together. So what about those occasions when only one occurs? Perhaps this is a result of chemicals in the brain. Perhaps anger and sadness are both set off by different chemicals which are given off in different amounts in different people depending on genes and other influences. (By the way, yes, I realize I am not really being scientific here. I am simply coming up with completely unsubstantiated hypotheses. But if you have ever read any of my posts in the past, you will probably realize I do that a lot.) If this is true then maybe similar amounts of stress in different people could cause such different responses in people who experience similar situations. I think I will just stick with this answer for now. I really don't feel like researching anything right now and I don't plan to do anything relating to psychology in the future.
So we have pseudo-determined why we experience anger in these situations. How can we control it? I have no idea. I haven't learned how, other than to not have anger. And I haven't figured out how to do that either, at least not with things that actually anger me. I am relatively apathetic to most things, this is probably one of the reasons that when I am angry people around me know it.
So how does any of this explain what I have gone through today? Well this experience has caused me stress obviously assuming our explanation is correct. So why was I stressed? Because I wasn't listened to, because I care so much about these people? I suppose that makes sense. But why then did these cause me so much stress as to create anger? Well I guess my stress level has been relatively elevated lately. Perhaps it was just pushed beyond its limit. Perhaps it is because I care so greatly for these friends that is amplifies the amount of stress posed by their smallest of errors in judgment according to my mind.
I'll be honest I am going with all of the above just because I feel like leaving it alone now. My mind over the course of writing this has settled to a much lower level of stress and I am feeling much better. This was the true plan for this post. I wanted to test whether it was actually true or not that I use this to blow off steam. I was right, who would have thought.
Well whoever read this, my apologies again for wasting your time and quite possibly depressing you. My way of coping is to explain everything to myself, if you can't deal with it, don't read. Simple as that. Thanks to those who do continue to read though. It means a great deal.
I actually wouldn't mind writing more often about things other than myself, so if anyone wishes to suggest anything that will be easy enough to write about, please let me know. Well adios.
I have been a very angry person lately. I have wasted an entire day being angry. Just to find out that there is really no reason for it. Even as I write this I am still partially angry at some people I know and for reasons that, really, I have no business worrying about. It doesn't pertain to me and it doesn't actually affect my life at all. So why am I angry?
I personally am angry because some people just don't think. They don't listen to those who care about them. Some don't even listen to themselves. Some are just idiots, others aren't but still act like it. So again, why am I mad?
I really can't explain why I am so angry. I guess it is because these people are friends. I hold them to the standards I hold myself to.
I guess I just hate to see them messing up their lives and being such idiots. I always feel as though I should tell them, but I know as soon as I do they will just become angry with me for not minding my own business. I don't want that tension. In my mind, bottling up anger and frustration is much easier than losing a friend, or even upsetting a friend. I have handled my emotions all my life this way, but friends in my life come very sparsely and I need them to last.
Or maybe that last paragraph is just a load of crap, and I just don't like other people having fun. Maybe that's what it is. I already know that I can't have fun, so maybe if my friends don't have fun than I'll be happier. Perhaps my mind is really that selfish. I don't know.
Anyway, back to the real issue. Why is there anger in this world? What is the central cause for it? Some people lose things and become angry, some people simply become upset, some people don't experience any emotion at all. Why is there such a difference among people? And there are different degrees of anger. There are violent, screaming, subtle, and so many other ways that people experience anger.
I suppose our environment when we are younger gives us much of the general reaction to anger. If your parents curse and shout when they are angry, then likely you too will do that. If you grow up in a house of beatings and physical punishment, then you likely will do that as well when older. Well assuming that explains every case, which it most certainly doesn't, then why did anger develop in the first place?
Why are people so angry? Some people get angry at everything. Why is this? Is there just some cosmic balance that says that some people have to be angry all the time? I personally don't believe that even though it is really easy to say. So scientifically, why is this?
Well I suppose early species got angry at others because of territory. Territory fights are very common among all species, not excluding humans, even now. Well considering this, why still did these species get angry?
Ok well let's think about modern day occurrences... What are the alternatives? Happiness, sadness, apathy, etc. So why wouldn't we experience these other emotions? Well happiness is a raising of the morale level, it is the mood that hopefully most enjoy. Why wouldn't we experience this? Well the losing of something important, for example, doesn't usually make beings happy; they usually obtained it through some effort or work. Thus they have an important connection to it. Thus lowing this object would cause a large amount of stress to build. This is why happiness does not occur. So why can't more people just simply become sad when they lose objects?
So sadness is, like anger, a lowering of morale due to increase in stress usually. What really is the separation between sadness and anger? I personally tend to experience both together. So what about those occasions when only one occurs? Perhaps this is a result of chemicals in the brain. Perhaps anger and sadness are both set off by different chemicals which are given off in different amounts in different people depending on genes and other influences. (By the way, yes, I realize I am not really being scientific here. I am simply coming up with completely unsubstantiated hypotheses. But if you have ever read any of my posts in the past, you will probably realize I do that a lot.) If this is true then maybe similar amounts of stress in different people could cause such different responses in people who experience similar situations. I think I will just stick with this answer for now. I really don't feel like researching anything right now and I don't plan to do anything relating to psychology in the future.
So we have pseudo-determined why we experience anger in these situations. How can we control it? I have no idea. I haven't learned how, other than to not have anger. And I haven't figured out how to do that either, at least not with things that actually anger me. I am relatively apathetic to most things, this is probably one of the reasons that when I am angry people around me know it.
So how does any of this explain what I have gone through today? Well this experience has caused me stress obviously assuming our explanation is correct. So why was I stressed? Because I wasn't listened to, because I care so much about these people? I suppose that makes sense. But why then did these cause me so much stress as to create anger? Well I guess my stress level has been relatively elevated lately. Perhaps it was just pushed beyond its limit. Perhaps it is because I care so greatly for these friends that is amplifies the amount of stress posed by their smallest of errors in judgment according to my mind.
I'll be honest I am going with all of the above just because I feel like leaving it alone now. My mind over the course of writing this has settled to a much lower level of stress and I am feeling much better. This was the true plan for this post. I wanted to test whether it was actually true or not that I use this to blow off steam. I was right, who would have thought.
Well whoever read this, my apologies again for wasting your time and quite possibly depressing you. My way of coping is to explain everything to myself, if you can't deal with it, don't read. Simple as that. Thanks to those who do continue to read though. It means a great deal.
I actually wouldn't mind writing more often about things other than myself, so if anyone wishes to suggest anything that will be easy enough to write about, please let me know. Well adios.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
What is this life we live?
This is the question that I posed when I started this blog, hence the url. Well this is the question I have been asking myself a lot lately. I have been wondering about humans in general, and me specifically. Why do we live this life? What is the reason? And why bother? What is the point?
Now I realize this probably sounds like a suicide note or something along those lines, but I assure you it isn't. Suicide is something that I see as worthless, being that I don't believe in an afterlife. So don't bother worrying about such unimportant things.
So what is the point of this life? We live on this place that we call earth. We were born into such as world as the one surrounding you now. Whether you like it or you hate it, you have to wonder, what does it all mean? Is there a point to it all?
Well these questions, I am learning currently, cannot be answered by anyone. They can only be answered by you. If you don't know who you are and who you want to be, then no one else can do it either.
My life at this point in time is wrapped in much confusion and contemplation about life. If you have read any of my recent posts, I'm sure you can garner that simple fact. I have been going through several things lately and I have been forced to really question what I want to do in life. What I am really about. What do I really want.
I have been thinking for weeks and I still have no answer. But first let's walk through my last few weeks, so I can attempt to show you my life.
As of several weeks ago, I can't even remember when because my days are just running together into weeks and weeks into months. Anyway, several weeks ago, some friends ran into an unbreakable barrier in a relationship and it had to come to an end. I think this may have been the start of my problems and everyone else's concern. But with this event many other things have happened. I had to drop one of my majors which I loved so much, I am getting lower and lower grades in my math class of all things. Friends are experiencing troubles amongst themselves and others, some friends are angry at others, some friends are just plain angry. Meanwhile I am sitting around, listening and soaking in frustration because as a person, I am a listener and a decent empathizer. I attempt to put other people's emotions on for myself as to show that I care and to see how they are truly feeling and dealing with things.
Well I think this somewhat started to backfire, when I would get back to my apartment from the loft. When I was there, the little I was there, I would apparently seem extremely angry with anyone and everyone. I would be snappy or tense or some other traits that are not very normal for me. The unfortunate part about all this is that I was completely unaware of this change that was happening. I was unable to really see what I was doing to my roommates. I was apparently the only one who couldn't see it though. Because even other friends saw too, not just my roommates.
Now, I suppose something had to trigger this. And I don't feel as though it was just this talking with other friends who were having troubles. I think there may be something deeper and more in the core of my being. Otherwise, I would at least like to think I would have noticed my change in attitude.
I have been trying to figure this out all night and day, since I spoke with my roommates last night, when I found out they were worried about me.
My roommates are an interesting bunch and have all their own personalities and traits. All of them have commonalities and difference with each of the others of us. I was with these same people since last year. I don't understand why or how I can get so upset with them like I did. I know they each have their flaws and I recognize those flaws in each of them. But is it really fair to get upset with someone based on their flaws, their innate qualities that make them who they are? No it really isn't. And if I get mad at someone based on something so stupid, how can I even be considered a friend? Isn't that exactly what a friend is supposed to NOT do?
So what is it that has caused me this frustration and anger that everyone is concerned about? I honestly can't say what exactly. I think it may just be the perfect storm of many things going wrong at the worst times. I think I may just need some time away. I think I need to focus on school like I always used to do and get my mind focused again on what is important. I need some time alone and time to just think. I don't do enough thinking about things that I used to think about. I am too bothered with what's going on at the loft or what's going on at the apartment. I think I need to get away from people and just be the old me again. Then and only then can I really be myself. I will no longer have doubts, I will no longer feel the need to impress or depend on or help anybody. I will focus on me.
If this plan ever comes to pass, maybe I will be able to try again. Try to start off on the right foot this time. Try to be the person that everyone else knew in Thayer and try to spread my time equally among all my friends.
I have hurt more people than I ever imagined in this past month. And for that I truly apologize. I really wish someone had told me sooner so that it didn't have to keep worrying all of you. I hope that everything can get better in the next few weeks. Again I apologize for everyone involved both directly and indirectly.
This is my life. These are my choices. What life do I live? One of many mistakes. One of hurt friends. One of anger and frustration. One of new beginnings. One of a hopeful future. One of great potential for growth. One that I can change whenever I want and for whatever reason I want. One of friends. One of family. One of companions. One of love. And one of gratitude.
Now I realize this probably sounds like a suicide note or something along those lines, but I assure you it isn't. Suicide is something that I see as worthless, being that I don't believe in an afterlife. So don't bother worrying about such unimportant things.
So what is the point of this life? We live on this place that we call earth. We were born into such as world as the one surrounding you now. Whether you like it or you hate it, you have to wonder, what does it all mean? Is there a point to it all?
Well these questions, I am learning currently, cannot be answered by anyone. They can only be answered by you. If you don't know who you are and who you want to be, then no one else can do it either.
My life at this point in time is wrapped in much confusion and contemplation about life. If you have read any of my recent posts, I'm sure you can garner that simple fact. I have been going through several things lately and I have been forced to really question what I want to do in life. What I am really about. What do I really want.
I have been thinking for weeks and I still have no answer. But first let's walk through my last few weeks, so I can attempt to show you my life.
As of several weeks ago, I can't even remember when because my days are just running together into weeks and weeks into months. Anyway, several weeks ago, some friends ran into an unbreakable barrier in a relationship and it had to come to an end. I think this may have been the start of my problems and everyone else's concern. But with this event many other things have happened. I had to drop one of my majors which I loved so much, I am getting lower and lower grades in my math class of all things. Friends are experiencing troubles amongst themselves and others, some friends are angry at others, some friends are just plain angry. Meanwhile I am sitting around, listening and soaking in frustration because as a person, I am a listener and a decent empathizer. I attempt to put other people's emotions on for myself as to show that I care and to see how they are truly feeling and dealing with things.
Well I think this somewhat started to backfire, when I would get back to my apartment from the loft. When I was there, the little I was there, I would apparently seem extremely angry with anyone and everyone. I would be snappy or tense or some other traits that are not very normal for me. The unfortunate part about all this is that I was completely unaware of this change that was happening. I was unable to really see what I was doing to my roommates. I was apparently the only one who couldn't see it though. Because even other friends saw too, not just my roommates.
Now, I suppose something had to trigger this. And I don't feel as though it was just this talking with other friends who were having troubles. I think there may be something deeper and more in the core of my being. Otherwise, I would at least like to think I would have noticed my change in attitude.
I have been trying to figure this out all night and day, since I spoke with my roommates last night, when I found out they were worried about me.
My roommates are an interesting bunch and have all their own personalities and traits. All of them have commonalities and difference with each of the others of us. I was with these same people since last year. I don't understand why or how I can get so upset with them like I did. I know they each have their flaws and I recognize those flaws in each of them. But is it really fair to get upset with someone based on their flaws, their innate qualities that make them who they are? No it really isn't. And if I get mad at someone based on something so stupid, how can I even be considered a friend? Isn't that exactly what a friend is supposed to NOT do?
So what is it that has caused me this frustration and anger that everyone is concerned about? I honestly can't say what exactly. I think it may just be the perfect storm of many things going wrong at the worst times. I think I may just need some time away. I think I need to focus on school like I always used to do and get my mind focused again on what is important. I need some time alone and time to just think. I don't do enough thinking about things that I used to think about. I am too bothered with what's going on at the loft or what's going on at the apartment. I think I need to get away from people and just be the old me again. Then and only then can I really be myself. I will no longer have doubts, I will no longer feel the need to impress or depend on or help anybody. I will focus on me.
If this plan ever comes to pass, maybe I will be able to try again. Try to start off on the right foot this time. Try to be the person that everyone else knew in Thayer and try to spread my time equally among all my friends.
I have hurt more people than I ever imagined in this past month. And for that I truly apologize. I really wish someone had told me sooner so that it didn't have to keep worrying all of you. I hope that everything can get better in the next few weeks. Again I apologize for everyone involved both directly and indirectly.
This is my life. These are my choices. What life do I live? One of many mistakes. One of hurt friends. One of anger and frustration. One of new beginnings. One of a hopeful future. One of great potential for growth. One that I can change whenever I want and for whatever reason I want. One of friends. One of family. One of companions. One of love. And one of gratitude.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)