Monday, October 11, 2010

ESP and regrets

First post in awhile. Hopefully I can stay awake long enough to finish my thoughts.

Last night (10/9/10) I got to go out with my former roommate and his girlfriend, who is also a good friend of mine, and a group of their friends. It was a good time at Eastern State Penitentiary and we then sat around and talked afterward. I was tired and mostly just listened to the conversations that happened (not that I am usually any different). I did input my thoughts on a few things that I was asked about but mostly sat silently trying not to fall into a deep sleep. I simply sat and observed. And tonight I am realizing just how out of place I really was.

I was with a group of people who have been friends for awhile. They all had their own memories and similar interests and inside jokes and other stuff like that. I am just tonight realizing that not only did I not fit in the group, but I never have fit into any kind of group like that. I never had a group of friends that had a bunch of stories and jokes and other little common interests. I have never once experienced this type of thing. Well I suppose since college started these types of bonds have started to form, but it just doesn't feel like the same thing.

I was the person when I was younger, and even until now, that would always prefer to be with one friend then any group of friends. I would rather focus all my efforts on one person than spread them amongst a large number of people. And tonight I have come to the idea that maybe it was the wrong path to choose.

Well it's now over a week later (10/18/10) and I guess I will continue from where I left off.

As I said, before college I never had the type of bonds that these friends had. And at this point in time I am not sure whether that was the correct choice for me. I mean I am who I am and I will always regret things I didn't do just because I am that person. However, I think I am disadvantaged in social environments because of these past choices.

When I was in high school, the only real conversation topic I talked about was school. "Hey Ashley, how did you feel about that math test?" or "Alex, did you finish your essay for English?". That is the only conversation I ever really had during the school day and once the school day ended, I dropped off the face of the earth.

For this reason, I never knew about any high school drama or anything like that, which is now in college a really common theme, and I never have good input.

I really don't know what else I can really talk about with regards to this topic. I am not in the same mood as I was last Sunday. I suppose I will just stop here. I hope to post something else later today or tomorrow. I'll see what I feel like then.


  1. High school drama sucks when you're in the middle of it. That is all I have to say..

    Oh AaaaAALlLlLlLlllllsoooooooo,
    there were two other people that were "out of place" too: Nick and John. Alas, I hope we didn't discourage your socialization.

  2. Start now and make the best of every day. MAKE some great memories!!!! Enjoy life!!!! Get out there and have fun! Do crazy, stupid things!
    Try not to be the boring person I am!

  3. Awe Mike D= That totally wasn't the point. Also, the only ones from the "group" that were there were Damian, Justin, Jeremy, and I. Megan just happens to be friends with all of us. So the "outsiders" = "insiders". I don't remember any real hard core conversations about NP...=P Probably because I was poking you in the head.

    And Drama sucks no matter where you are and unfortunately, its better to steer clear. But you've started to create your own group there. =] Just enjoy what you have in the moment. Don't worry about the past.