ESP and regrets

First post in awhile. Hopefully I can stay awake long enough to finish my thoughts.

Last night (10/9/10) I got to go out with my former roommate and his girlfriend, who is also a good friend of mine, and a group of their friends. It was a good time at Eastern State Penitentiary and we then sat around and talked afterward. I was tired and mostly just listened to the conversations that happened (not that I am usually any different). I did input my thoughts on a few things that I was asked about but mostly sat silently trying not to fall into a deep sleep. I simply sat and observed. And tonight I am realizing just how out of place I really was.

I was with a group of people who have been friends for awhile. They all had their own memories and similar interests and inside jokes and other stuff like that. I am just tonight realizing that not only did I not fit in the group, but I never have fit into any kind of group like that. I never had a group of friends that had a bunch of stories and jokes and other little common interests. I have never once experienced this type of thing. Well I suppose since college started these types of bonds have started to form, but it just doesn't feel like the same thing.

I was the person when I was younger, and even until now, that would always prefer to be with one friend then any group of friends. I would rather focus all my efforts on one person than spread them amongst a large number of people. And tonight I have come to the idea that maybe it was the wrong path to choose.

Well it's now over a week later (10/18/10) and I guess I will continue from where I left off.

As I said, before college I never had the type of bonds that these friends had. And at this point in time I am not sure whether that was the correct choice for me. I mean I am who I am and I will always regret things I didn't do just because I am that person. However, I think I am disadvantaged in social environments because of these past choices.

When I was in high school, the only real conversation topic I talked about was school. "Hey Ashley, how did you feel about that math test?" or "Alex, did you finish your essay for English?". That is the only conversation I ever really had during the school day and once the school day ended, I dropped off the face of the earth.

For this reason, I never knew about any high school drama or anything like that, which is now in college a really common theme, and I never have good input.

I really don't know what else I can really talk about with regards to this topic. I am not in the same mood as I was last Sunday. I suppose I will just stop here. I hope to post something else later today or tomorrow. I'll see what I feel like then.