Friday, August 6, 2010


Finally started walking again today. After the week of nearly continuous videogame playing, it was nice to get out. I think my videogame kick is fighting back. I know I should stop but there's only a few more days left until I won't even get a chance to play. For those who don't know my schedule yet, it involves physics 2 and organic chem, along with astronomy, history, and multivariable calculus. It will be quite a tough semester, but I can't wait either way. Anyway that is the reason I will not be able to play videogames. I plan to study the way we are told to, several hours a day. I can't foresee it happening like that but I will try.

Anyway so I did go walking today. I thought about a lot of stuff from the past and some stuff that I made up on the fly. I walked until my legs were numb as usual. I figured I would write a short blog about some stuff I thought of. This will get me in the hang of writing again.

The main thought I remember while walking was about when I went through the incident in high school. When I lost the person I thought I was in love with. "Even more about me (junior and senior year)" is the post if you have not read it. I was most curious about the dazed state I was in during the aftermath.

At the time, I was in a dazed state. I felt like I couldn't do anything. I went through school and work and home like a mindless zombie. I talked to very few people. I was completely apathetic (much more than usual). I had no care for anything. I thought, but even my thoughts were fuzzy. I can't remember, but I don't think I ate all that much. This was all happening for weeks straight. I was extremely tired and sleeping was the only time that I felt alright. And when you sleep you really aren't able to feel all that much. It was similar to the times when you are staring at something or into space and you can't move your eyes. Something just won't let you. That was how my entire body was all day everyday for weeks. I was in a somewhat subconscious or unconscious state. I was never able to explain it.

I looked up a bit on consciousness and I am not really sure what it was. I wish I had an explanation or even a word for whatever it was. I just know that I didn't like it. I hope it never happens again. It was horrible, I lost out on several weeks of my life for some unknown reason.

I guess that will be all for now. I really can't remember what else I thought about on the walk. Hopefully I will have some inspiration to write something else soon enough.


  1. Maybe that "numb" feeling is what got you thru it. I'm sooooo sorry you went thru such a tough time, but just remember-you DID get thru it and it probably helped make you stronger.
    I know I'm not the best person to talk you thru things, but I truly believe you thinking & writing about things is what gets you thru.....I'm sooo proud of you and please keep doing what you're doing....luv u

  2. Always remember that you have parents you can talk to.Dont give up on love.just because you had one bad experience doesnt mean you give up on ever feeling love for me we've all had that one that got away.just chalk it up to a life lesson.kinda like riding a bike if you fall off ,you get right back on and try was your first love ,something you will never forget i still remember mine.if i would have given up on love then you and the girls never would have been born dont be so hard on yourself.there are so many fish in the sea and you have so much time to worry about love.just concentrate on your studies for now and when you least expect it "the love bug"will hit you again.this time you will have a lesson to learn from.please feel free to talk to me and your mom anytime you feel your life is in a downward spiral or if you just want to talk about anything.we r here for ya.we love ya kiddo