I am currently in bed attempting to go to sleep. I for whatever reason have been thinking a lot about my past "love". I really don't know why. But I can't sleep and I figured I would blog about her. I guess I probably never really talked about her much as a person, but mostly about her as an object of my affection. So that is my plan for this post.
She was a person with a very rough childhood. I learned this only after obtaining an immense amount of trust, so I won't give many details out of respect for her. When I met her in the second grade she had one last name. That was apparently her second by that time. By fifth grade, she had another different last name. As of now that is her official last name but judging from recent events, that will probably not last much longer. She has quite a good situation going for her, I am not going to talk about it though because it will just end up not allowing me to sleep even more. Anyway so if you didn't guess by the time she was in fifth grade she had 2 stepfathers, each of them giving her another sister. That is all I wish to reveal about that but I assure you there is much more behind that story.
I knew her in the second grade as the quite strange looking girl that was always by herself. Then she was gone a year or so later. I never thought twice about it. Then in fifth grade I heard her name (well her first name and her new last name) called at the awards assembly. I don't think I realized it was her completely. I had an inkling but I wasn't sure. That was when I found out how great of an artist she was. Her name was called because she was being honored as the student to have artwork kept in the elementary school halls for the next 3 years. That was an incredible honor at our school considering only 1 student received it per year. And I found out even more of this potential when I finally got to know her later in life.
Middle school was a time of change for everyone and I didn't really know her there. So I will just move onto high school.
Junior year was when we "officially" met as I first said in my previous post: "Even more about me (junior and senior year)". You can read the whole story there; this is more about her. Anyway I finally really met her in junior year. I learned so much about her in the few months I was friends with her. Those few months were no doubt the best of my life though. I think that is why I was fated to create this blog and this post specifically. You can call me melodramatic if you want but I don't care what you think.
She taught me so many things. She was the first person to introduce me to brain games. That was what consumed more than a few classes of trigonometry for junior year. I learned how much she likes to torture herself with not sleeping at night. She spends majority of her nights reading wikipedia. Which is something else she got me doing. (It appears this paragraph is starting to depict my "Copycat" post very well). She also showed her prowess when it came to movie making. She was a very creative person, who actually was quite scientific too. She wanted to major in biology and specifically in veterinary studies. She had lots of potential at so many things. It is unfortunate things didn't turn out as hoped. Anyway onto senior year.
I guess summer would be the best place to start really considering that was where I really got to know her (or at least my version of her). She was not a very athletic person. She was quite frail and even more pale. Despite this fact she did like the outdoors. She went out in the wooded area behind her house to look for animals and stuff like that. She had a cat that mean the world to her. She had him for most of her life. This cat actually died shortly before we were no more. That may have had a bit of influence on it, or rather my actions during the event may have done something. Well anyway, she and I both failed our drivers tests the first time. She failed another time as well before we both got them the same day. She was a good writer as well.
I have to get my mind together again. I fell asleep after that last paragraph. It is now the next morning. I have actually been thinking about her for a bit now and I thought I would write more.
I knew her as the quiet little girl with huge thoughts and even huger potential. She was looking at multiple colleges like lehigh but didn't get in. She got into another college that was catholic associated. Therefore once they found out she wasn't catholic, they revoked her scholarship. And that pissed me and even moreso her off. She did have bad luck pretty frequently. It was horrible sometimes. Her family situation was rocky to say the least. She thrived on others attention and rarely received it from the people she wanted to receive it from.
After saying that last sentence I realize how horrible I was. I was one of the people that showed her the attention that she desired and needed. I gave her the attention in the beginning but I took advantage of that fact later on. I was completely selfish. I destroyed everything and began my long and destructive torture for my own potential gain. Now I have to be forever taunted by the fact that I couldn't help one single girl that needed it. This sucks. That also explains why she put up with it for so long. Even after the first few times I told her of my feelings, she let is go. She was in need of attention that greatly that she didn't really care how I felt as long as I was providing the attention. I feel like an idiot, especially since I only am just figuring this out now.
I would go on with my description of her, but I really can't see bothering with it. Maybe in the future. She's gone forever with her real love and there is no point in reflecting any further.